Review of Maniac (1980) by Daniel B — 27 Jun 2010

That is the tagline for this cinematic piece of brilliance. Yeppers.

Joe Spinell stars as Frank Zito, a crazy assed killer with mommy issues who spends the entire movie moaning, talking to himself, and fondling mannequins. Now this is a classic 1980s cheese fest and by that definition alone you're supposed to give it some slack, but I don't feel like it.

So yes, Frank is a naughty, naughty boy. What made him naughty? Well, apparently his mother was a hooker, or just a plain old fashioned slut who slept around and abused poor little Frank. Frank grew up and began a killing spree in NY. Let's hear it for Frank, people.

Frank prowls the streets of New York and picks women at random. We get no story and no background at all, save for his insane monologues.

For example:

[b]Frank [/b](aloud): [i]I told you not to go out...tonight...didn't I? Everytime you go out this kind of thing happens.[/i].

[b]Internal voice[/b]: [i]This has got to stop. It's silly. And it's not getting us anywhere. You think they don't know? They do. I heard it and I know. They all know. And I don't like it anymore. But you don't listen do you? It's got to stop. [/i].

It goes on, but I can't take it anymore.

[b][u][color=magenta]SPOILERS LIKE A MOFO[/color][/u][/b].

I don't know where to attack first. I mean it has so much badness to it. The only thing I like is the setting, but I'm a New Yorker so I am prejudiced. I love looking at the city in the late 1970's and early 1980's. It's totally unrecognizable from what you see today. I love looking at the subway systems and the cars. Anywho, this movie is complete and utter bunk. Now, this "review" will be all over the place (much like the movie) because I don't know where to start. Using numbers seems to make it all so much easier.

1.[b] The Villain[/b]: Frank Zito is ugly. I mean really, really ugly. The reason why I point this out is that he has a face not even a hooker would love, so the fact that he later tries (and apparently succeeds) at romancing a gorgeous photographer named Ana (Caroline Munro) just adds to the YEAH, RIGHT factor of this movie.

2.[b] The Victims: [/b]They are all stupid. Except for the hooker, she was just unlucky. Here's what bothered me. We're in New York, right? Okay, it's the New York of 1980 or so, but still, it's a big city and most people are careful. Not these people.

[b]Frank[/b] sees the photographer in the park. She takes his picture as he is in a creepy moment (and when ISN'T he in a creepy moment?) and then smiles and walks away. Frank walks toward her stuff, pretends to tie his shoes while kneeling by her camera bag and scopes out her address and he casually walks away. (Oh yeah, Frank, that was really cool. I didn't notice you were looking at her address because you were tying your sneakers. SMOOTH.).

[b]Frank [/b]goes to[b] Ana's[/b] apartment and when she asks who it is he says "My name is Frank Zito, you took a picture of me in the park," [b]and she lets him in[/b] because God knows that strange men in parks pose absolutely no danger, especially when they track down your name and address from out of the freaking blue. My STALKER alarm would have been blaring insanely.

[b]The Nurse: [/b]one of Frank's victims and in this scene we have slight stirrings of tension, but nothing ever results. Frank follows her into a subway station and she manages to find the only part of the subway with NO EXIT. Our really bright girl then hides in the ladies room, which is the only place she could have gone into without spraining an ankle or something and then proceeds to make more noise than a guy passing a kidney stone. Yes, I know she's scared because there is a MANIAC walking the streets of NY killing people and that's probably why she said no to her friend who asked her if she'd like a lift somewhere, and it's probably why she then walked down a deserted street and into an empty subway station when she thought she was being followed. She was scared stupid.

[b]The Model: [/b]a friend of Ana's. Frank sees her in the studio for like 5 minutes and is later seen at her apartment door. He knocks and when she asks "Who is it?" he says "It's Frank Zito, I'm a friend of Ana's..." blah blah blah. She unlocks the door, doesn't notice that he is a creepy psycho looking motherfucker or that he clicks the little tab on her door which stops it from closing properly, and then she conveniently forgets to lock the door, thereby granting him easy access. Frank thanks you, Rita, he really does.

[b]THE COPS: [/b]There's a citywide manhunt for the MANIAC killer and at the end of the movie we see the cops frantically going after FRANK. How many? We actually have two detectives going after Frank. The funniest part is what they do when they find him. They rush into his apartment, see him apparently dead on the bed, so they leave. They don't even check him. Too fucking funny.

The acting is bad, but it's to be expected. Ana was particularly bad, but she is absolutely gorgeous so who cares? Nothing much changes in horror as we still have people like that being hired.

Okay, that is enough rambling hate. There are a few good things we can take away from this movie, too.

The effects are done by TOM SAVINI so we have a lot of bright red blood and we get to see him and his mustache blown away.

We learn that in order to gain access to the apartments of single, beautiful women who live alone all you have to do is say MY NAME IS FRANK ZITO.