Review of Mama (2013) by Ankeny P — 24 Jul 2013

I wanted to see this movie because I really like Del Toro movies, but man... Flat characters combined with a story full of plot-holes and scares worthy of Woman in Black I was thoroughly disappointed. Ok synopsis: Crazy dude kills his wife, takes his kids in wild car ride, crashes the car off of a mountain side, "rescues" the kids and takes them to cabin he stumbles upon just to kill them (makes sense right?) .

Something from Trilogy of terror saves the kid by killing the father. 5-7 years later, with an inadequate police force who apparently didn't have helicopters to see the evidence of a crash below (looks like crazy dad could have just lived out there with his kids instead of killing them!) crazy dad's brother with his boring rocker girlfriend who has no personality hires some lame dudes that look like country bumpkin hunters who happen across the cabin where the kids have been living off of cherries.

We have no idea why cherries. You just see a huge pile of cherry pits that looks like a big pile of poop (Del Toro's signature visual symbolism showing that the movie is crappy.) The kids also now look like trilogy of terror creatures and crawl around with some CGI bodies because apparently their bone structure has changed in this one scene.

No worries, the story skips several months ahead as some annoying aunt tries to fight for custody of the two wild animals who they call kids. The next two hours are just the kids scooting around, hiding in boxes and looking like freaks, as they mutter "mama" and look crazy.

I won't give away the ending, but I laughed at it pretty hard. It was funny when Mama finally turned around. A little too dramatic, but it made for good comedy for an overall boring and drawn out plot.