Review of Malibu Shark Attack (2009) by Mic R — 30 Jun 2010

Goblin sharks make their big screen debut in this SyFy original film that desperately tries to break the world record of how much stock footage you can use in one film. Essentially a cross between Deep Blue Sea and Baywatch, Malibu Shark Attack is a by the numbers shark film that somehow manages to be entertaining despite its numerous plot holes and awful effects.

A record breaking underwater earthquake releases a number of Goblin sharks with an enormous appetite for terrible actors from their deep water trench, so they take it upon themselves to prowl the waters of Malibu looking for unsuspecting B-Movie actors to munch on. That earthquake also riggers a Tsunami which destroys the entire West Coast of America and traps a group of people inside a lifeguard tower which is now surrounded by water and our ferocious Goblin sharks. It's up to our group to avoid being eaten and to try and come up with an escape plan.

The first thing I don't understand is how a Tsunami can destroy an entire coastline yet isn't able to destroy a wooden lifeguard station or drown the people inside despite it having wooden slats instead of windows; the worlds greatest carpenter must have built it. Most of the shark attacks consist of the same piece of footage been shown over and over again. This might have been ok if this footage was anyway decent but it isn't, it contains cartoonish looking sharks that seem hell bent on biting through the wooden pillars of the station. Slowly but surely our group begins to get picked off in randomly unimaginative ways until they make their escape on a tiny motorboat. This leads to some more bad actors getting picked off in randomly unimaginative ways until they reach a flooded building under construction which again leads to some more people getting picked off but in slightly more imaginative ways. There are some nice scenes in the building involving some chainsaws and practical effect that leaves you wondering why we didn't get more of this earlier.

You might be forgiven for thinking that Malibu Shark Attack is a terrible film but it isn't. Despite its bad effects and bad actors it does manage to be an entertaining film, especially the final half hour. There is plenty of unintentional hilarity to be found here; I was particularly fond of the dumb blond screaming that she was going to die despite having no more than a scratch on her leg. The film moves along at nice pace which never allows you to become bored, you always have action or terrible plot holes to keep you entertained. It ends a little too abruptly but I suppose we have all had our fill of Goblin sharks at that stage. One to thing to notice though; a day after the Tsunami has hit there still isn't a sign of any relief workers, maybe the Goblin sharks got them too!