Review of Make A Wish (2012) by Samantha P — 08 Mar 2005

It's been claimed that there will eventually be gay-themed films in every genre. Gay erotic thrillers, gay talking animal movies and gay [i]Alien[/i] rip-offs will eventually take their place beside the "straight" ones on video store shelves, once gay filmmakers get off their asses and stop making boring coming out films and movies about hustlers. This has already happened to romantic comedies, where films like [i]All Over the Guy[/i] and [i]Better than Chocolate[/i] prove that gay people are just as capable of making dull, leaden films about bland characters as straights. Progress!

Following this theory, there've been a recent trend of gay-themed horror flicks, like the as-yet-unreleased [i]Hellbent[/i], the barely-released [i]Hard,[/i] and [i]Make a Wish[/i], a lesbian slasher film that somehow managed to make its' way to video stores across the nation. There may be some need in the world for a lesbian slasher film, and true to the formula, it's as bland and predictable as the worst of the '80s horror era.

But, hey, it's got lesbians.

The plot is strictly slasher 101, as Susan (Moynan King) has invited all of her ex-lovers (and in one case, their lover) to go camping in the woods. Then they get picked off one by one by an unseen killer. Is it one of the girls' boyfriends? Or an escaped lunatic? Or that mysterious, homophobic redneck? Or Susan herself? Or the female park ranger?

It's not the female park ranger. She vanishes halfway through the film.

I can't fault [i]Make a Wish[/i] for its' set-up, as that's exactly what slasher movies are supposed to be about. Nor can I fault the acting, which is better than you'd think for a low-budget production like this. Then there's the direction and cinematography, which is surprisingly competent and makes the film look pretty good. Too good, in fact, for a slasher film.

[i]Make a Wish[/i], sadly, is shot like it's a lesbian relationship drama, and it's obvious that the filmmakers have no idea at all about how to create suspense. First off, virtually the entire film takes place during the day. Who the hell heard of a slasher movie that takes place in broad daylight? So there's nothing creepy about the woods, and no scenes where characters are running from a mysterious killer create any tension at all.

The splatter scenes, always the centerpiece of any slasher movie that isn't good enough to work on tension alone, are practically nonexistent, and when they're there, they're pretty lame. Because of the set up, none of the characters realize they're in danger, so they all just go on acting like they're auditioning for "The L Word," sniping at each other about relationship issues.

You'd think at least the relationship issues would be interesting, and some torrid secrets would be disclosed, but you'd be sadly mistaken. Ah well, at least the film doesn't completely blow the opportunity to have two lesbian sex scenes, though nudity is minimal. (Skinny dipping is referenced, but not seen. Did these people even bother to watch a slasher movie beforehand?).

I can't really give [i]Make a Wish[/i] too low a grade because it's competently put together and makes coherent sense, placing it above many of the slasher flicks I've seen. But the lack of any real creepy moments or at least lesbian drama (the catfights are pretty lame) make this more of a "why bother" than a "c'mon, it's a [i]lesbian slasher movie[/i]. You've got to see it" sort of thing.