Review of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) by Mordillo — 18 Jun 2011

It was impossible for me to become involved with this film. None of the actors convinced me. Every line of dialogue they spat out sounded so forced, like they didn't believe in the characters they were playing.

Some of the dialogue isn't very well written in the first place. There's one line that Dexter Fletcher said that goes "Also, I think knives are a good idea... Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them", and I thought to myself, Is this guy trying to sell me knives? Vinnie Jones was the only one who really impressed me.

I wanted to see more of the guy. He played his part perfectly, nailed every scene he was in, and I loved that his character brought his son around for everything like it was "Bring Your Kid To Work Day".

I also felt the narration by Alan Ford, you gotta love his accent, but I felt some of the stuff he narrated made it sound like he was talking down to me instead of telling me things I couldn't have figured out otherwise.

It was condescending and intrusive, chiming in at all the wrong times. The only good writing is evident at the very end of the movie, the "cliffhanger" ending, which I thought was brilliantly scripted and played out.

Another issue I have with the film is the dirty look it has. I know this is accounted for its low budget, but the amber lighting and the heavy grain, it's not a pretty mix, and it's one of the ugliest-looking films I've ever seen.