Review of Little Witches (2005) by Renee H — 08 Oct 2004

[center][font=Comic Sans MS][size=4][b][u]Little Witches (1996)[/u][/b][/size] :rotten: :rotten: :eek: :o :D [/font][/center].

[font=Comic Sans MS][b]Little Witches[/b] is one of those silly, sloppy, straight-to-video, T&A horror flicks that you just have to love![/font].

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[font=Comic Sans MS] It sports poor fx, hilarious dialogue, inane black-arts mumbo-jumbo, loads of B actors that you've seen elsewhere, and [b]copious amounts of nekkid Catholic schoolgirl flesh.[/b] A killer cowbination!! It's the kind of film that the whole herd loves to pop in the vcr late at night, with a greasy pizza and a six pack of moo juice, knowing full well that their brains won't be needed for the next 90 minutes.

In which a gaggle of giggling schoolgirls, left to rot over Easter vacation at their Catholic boarding school, discover the "black arts", and end up summoning the [i][b]Big Evil Dude[/b][/i] to do the Nekkid Cow Boogie. [size=4][b];=8).

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Faith (Mimi Reichmeister), is the sweet, virginal, heroic snugglebunny, who just wants to do the right thing. Naturally, she saves the day when the [b]Giant Evil Scaly Three-Mouthed Demon From Hell[/b] comes for munchies. Jami( Sheeri Rappaport, "[i]NYPD Blue [/i]", "[i]Xena [/i]"), is the naughty, abused bad girl of the group. She gets to spend moost of the film sans clothing (essential to the plot, of course...), and who ends up getting dragged to Hell for being a slutty, power-hungry B**ch. This is a shame, because Rappaport is not only easy on the herd's eyes, but she is a fine actress who manages to empart some depth to her [i]Ally McBeal[/i]-thin character.

The sharp-eyed will spot Clea DuVall ([b]The Faculty[/b], tv's "[i]Buffy: The Vampire Slayer [/i]") in the gaggle, who gets skewered by a scaly demon horn. B-starlet Jennifer Rubin([b]A Nightmare on Elm Street 3[/b], [b]The Crush[/b], [b]Screamers[/b]) plays the cutest nun the MooCow has ever seen, who also happens to be the [i]Guardian of the Book That Summons The Giant Evil Scaly Three-Mouthed Demon Thing[/i], and sports a nifty tattoo! Jack Nance ([b]Love & a .45[/b], tv's "[i]Twin Peaks [/i]")plays a soon-to-be sliced up priest, and good old Zelda Rubenstein ([b]Poltergeist[/b]) plays an tiny poisoned nun with a red splotch on her head.

The whole herd howled over such vintage cheesy dialogue as: "Do you have any sins of a non-dietary nature?", and "This is an ancient book of black spells - [b]AND IT REALLY WORKS!![/b]".

Ya know, if silly B fun, coupled with [u]nekkid cuties[/u], is what yer after, believe the MooCow, you cud do a lot worse than [b]Little Witches[/b]. So what if its not particularly scary, knowledgeable about witchcraft, or a is total rip-off of [b]The Craft[/b]? etails, details. Stinky moovie fans, the MooCow is here to tell you, this flick is definitely yer twisted cup of java.

Haphazardly directed by Jane Simpson([b]SIMP[/b]-son, eh?), and sporting enough gaping plot holes to strain spaghetti, [b]Little Witches[/b] is no [b]Sixth Sense[/b], but believe me you won't mind. A major moo source of info close to the production of this film told the MooCow that [b]Little Witches[/b] was shot in only 18 days - so waddya expect, [b]War & Peace[/b] ?? [size=4][b];=8).

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The MooCow says fire up that vcr, order up a large double pepperoni, and let the silliness roll!

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