Review of Lionheart (1990) by Jordan R — 13 Dec 2008

JCVD is nothing if not predictable, but can you imagine a movie starring the Muscles from Brussels wherein the fight sequences are the weak point? It's true - they're clumsy and unengaging until the last brawl with Attila, which begins to hit the level of brutality we were all hoping the movie would get into in its first fight. Anything about illegal under-ground fights should be pretty raw in order to hold our interest, but instead "Lionheart" goes for broke with melodrama, and succeeds (a little bit), as more successful melodramas do, by breaking with at least a few stereotypes. In addition, there's a certain weird charm by the addition of so many interestingly weird things - such as the guy who fights in full clan regalia in the name of Scottish pride, and then is right out the gate Glasgow style, poking JCVD in the eye, stomping his instep, and swinging for the old wedding tackle. Harrison Page's character, who has the sort of voice that sounds like Bubs from Homestar Runner filtered through every black male '70s character ever (you know him instantly, even if you've never seen him before), is an oddly compelling figure as well, what with his "hustler-with-a-heart-of-gold" bit mixed in with his cynical eleventh-hour letdown in the last fight. Then you've got Cynthia and her "dirtysexymoney" vibe (I don't care what the ABC show is about, I'm stealing it anyway).

The movie makes some surprising passes at trying to be realistic: you can get hurt pretty easily when you fight for a living, as opposed to every other brawl-flick ever, when you only get hurt at specific narrative points. Also, the fighters mostly fight in street clothes (JCVD's costume oddly reminds me of Philo Beddoe's in the Clint Eastwood films), except for the pool fight, when the singlets go on and the allegations of tacit gayness in the average JCVD movie start to ring a little uncomfortably true.

(If an underground fight club patronized by rich people were meeting, what would they do? Answer - hold the fights in improvised-yet-safe spaces, such as racquetball courts, mansion gardens, and empty swimming pools (though this begs the question why they don't pay for a proper ring, if they're so rich?).

Soundtrack-wise, listen for some classic '80s drum-machine inspiration-rock in "No Mercy", and composer John Scott steals more than a couple cues from that king of soaring melodramatic combat-sport soundtracks, the legendary Mr. Rocky himself (and "Karate Kid"), Bill Conti.

It's not bad. Better than you would expect, actually. Van Damme completists will be interested. Fight nuts will probably be bored, a little.