Review of Kull the Conqueror (1997) by Bobby L — 19 Feb 2010

This is one ridiculous romp! Kevin Sorbo stars as Kull, a slave that can kickass who becomes king, then a slave, again, only to retake his throne, and became king, again.

This sword-and-sorcery epic is actually quite the charmer. Sure, it's silly, very, hardcore to the max silly, but it's almost a put-on. The movie feels as if it's mocking the "Hercules" show that made Sorbo famous. Director John Nicolella keeps the energy high, and the tone light. He filmed the movie in a very bright color scheme, that oddly works. When I think of these sorts of fantasy films, "bright" usually doesn't come to mind. He employs a lot of sweeping shots whenever we hit a new locale, which becomes increasingly amusing, especially when we hit the ice land. In general, he surprised me with his abilities.

Sorbo does a slightly more despicable version of his iconic role. Kull, after becoming king, devolves into a total douche, using, abusing, firing, hiring, and generally not caring what he does, for he is king, which makes his fall, and journey much more interesting. Tia Carrere as the evil witch/ devil lady Akivasha overacts everything, and it's pretty fun to see and her hear spout such lines as, "The whore! She killed him," or "Great fire, keep them from my shores!" with all the zealous vigor of a drunk ranch-hand that just helped birth a calf. It's rather epic B-movie acting, and with the general lightweight mood of the movie, one of the reasons it feels almost like parody.

Karina Lombard, as Zarta, the "whore" from the above quote is very good. She's a soothsayer and tarot card reader, and is the love interest. Her and Kull's relationship is set up early on, as he is a firm believer as such, and calls on her to read the cards often. When she warns him to not marry the she-devil in human form (not kidding, she's actually some sort of hellspawn in human form), you can see how torn he is between his new found "love" and what he really believes. Suffice to say, goes against his beliefs, and after the worst sex scene ever, has fire spit into his mouth by Akivasha which damn near kills him.

Anyways, he escapes, with the help of Ascalante, a bodyguard type character, and they save Zarta from being killed for the "death" of Kull, and off the trio rides, to get captured and enslaved. This sequence is one of the most fun in the film, with a lot of typical tropes being used to an over the top degree, indulging in every fun shennigan the filmmakers could think of giving the surrounding city and props at hand. Sorbo is damn good in all the action scenes, as expected. Lombard holds her own decently, but isn't amazing.

The set designs are very good, especially, the ice land area, in which a giant, bearded face statue is consistently blowing freezing air onto all in it's path. In order to pass this, only a magical female, who must bare it all can pass. Once close enough, she can suck up the freezing air into herself. If that doesn't sound like one of the funniest things ever, than there's something wrong with you! It's so hilarious, it's pretty genius.

The ice breath is given to Kull at the end, by kiss, and he then kisses the CGI-ed demon version of his former wife, and that engulfs her and extinguishes her flaming portal. Again, freaking funny as hell. The CGI here is a little dated, but the character design is solid.

How could I have gone this long and not talked about the hard rock soundtrack? Yes, this movie sports one of the most inappropriate soundtracks to any straight up fantasy film this side of "Ladyhawke". Luckily for us, this isn't straight fantasy. The soundtrack has lots of hard riffs and pounding drums, as if we were at a mosh pit, but it's playing over axe battles and ice breathe scenes. The soundtrack is so ridiculous, I challenge anyone to say this movie was meant to be taken seriously. Deadpanned? To be certain, but that's different than taking one's self seriously.

Watching this film, I really do think they made a parody of sorts, of other sword-and-sorcery epics, and did so in solid fashion.