Review of Krull (1983) by Alex K — 21 Mar 2012

It's just so wonderfully shitty. Joining the vast number of other piece-of-crap fantasy films populating the 80s, it brings nothing new to the table, and ruins what it borrowed. Every 80s fantasy film is required to have the following cliches: a princess, preferably captured, some sort of brigand, shoehorned mythical creatures, one or many retarded sidekicks, a kid of some sort, a old guy, and a poorly characterized evil person with undefined powers and stupid henchmen.

This has all of those things and then some. For the most part, no one in this movie can act, and the screenplay is atrocious. The whole movie is basically about this group of nobodies going from place to place, finding what they were looking for is somewhere else, a la Mario, and facing not particularly threatening conflicts.

For example, to get the glaive the king has to make this perilous quest to a cave on top of a mountain, and it is foretold to be fraught with danger by the old guy. He does that rather easily, and then sticks his hand into lava and pulls the thing out.

There was no suspense or conflict involved. Just wasted time. And the whole movie proceeds in this fashion. The king is also a dick, often leaving his friends to die in the final battle. Speaking of which, his friends don't actually help him much during the end, and only prove their uselessness.

But, while this movie is a pice of shit, it is absolutely hilarious due to its awfulness and abundance of cheese. I just wish I had rented this with my friends or something.