Review of Krampus (2015) by Glenn G — 03 Jan 2016

REALLY BAD SANTA - My Review of KRAMPUS (2 Stars).

I had been looking forward to KRAMPUS ever since I heard such a great group of actors including Toni Collette, Adam Scott, Conchata Ferrell, Allison Tolman, and David Koechner had signed on for it. I also happen to love any film that takes its aim at Christmas and tries to expose the "nice for one day only" demeanor of so much of the population. I guess being raised a non-practicing Jew didn't hurt in that department.

KRAMPUS starts out really strong. Its opening credits, set to the strains of Andy Williams' "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", fanatical shoppers, in glorious slow motion, tear each other apart as they bum rush a holiday sale. I was all in! Director Michael Doughtery, along with co-writers Todd Casey and Zach Shields, clearly relish Joe Dante's GREMLINS, with its excellent combination of horror and satire, but this time out, it's all peppermint bark with very little bite (opening credits notwithstanding).

From here we meet the Engel family, led by Sarah (Collette) and Tom (Scott) as they nervously prepare for a whole gaggle of horrific relatives to disturb their peace. Their son, Max (Emjay Anthony, so good in CHEF, and doing the best work in the cast here) has become disillusioned about the holiday. Cue his Grandma (Krista Stadler), who functions as an exposition dump and provider of the foreboding looks necessary to transition us from the light comedic tone into the horrors to come. You see, Santa Claus isn't coming to town this year. His relative, the Krampus of the title, along with his helpers, will come on Christmas Eve to wreak havoc on all of the bad children of the world. Enter the relatives (Koechner, Tolman, Ferrell and a bevy of horrible brats).

The early scenes lack the proper rhythms to be completely effective. Certain shots in a dinner table scene linger too long or certain lines, such as Ferrell's mean Aunt Dorothy saying "Looks like Martha Stewart threw up in here" lack the punch a rewrite would have provided. The film's structure is spot on, so I hoped once things got scary I'd dismiss these problems as slight Act One missteps.

Sure enough, the turn is well handled, with a power outage and scary clouds enveloping their suburban cocoon. Daughter Beth (Stefania LaVie Owen) wants to check on her boyfriend, so the parents give her an hour to dash through the snow. Not the wisest move, but it provides a knockout sequence in which Beth encounters our title character. As a piece of filmmaking and suspenseful storytelling, I was quite impressed. The sound design stands out in particular, as the Krampus violently clanks onto rooftops, or when silence is used when a Jack-In-The-Box threatens poor Beth. Isn't that moment right before the weasel pops one of the most terrifying things ever?

Unfortunately, it's all downhill from here as the film doesn't know what to do except randomly scurry from one scenario to another involving a group of people getting scared by the Krampus or his gaggle of clowns, gingerbread cookies, and assorted elf-like creatures. Extra points for putting children on an equal plane with adults as potential victims, but the resolution slightly pulls its punches. Besides, this film just isn't very scary. It's loud and people scream a lot, but its message of relying on your family for survival overshadows what could have been an Anti-Holiday Classic.

KRAMPUS eventually crapped out and I started getting cramps....or maybe I just liked writing that ridiculous sentence. Who can say? But, all told, this is a pretty bad movie made by a lot of talented people. I can see why everyone signed on, but scares aren't the easiest thing to manufactture. I would have loved to have seen what someone like Gaspar Noé would have done with this material.