Review of Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) by Definitelymayb — 25 Sep 2017

When people say they don't understand why other people hate/dislike this film, I think we are living on different planets. That is not to disrespect that people can have different preferences, but not being able to objectively see why a film is bad makes my head scratch. I like a lot of bad films (ie Transformers 2 - 3), but the difference is that I KNOW its a bad film. *see the subtle difference? With Kingsmen: The Golden Circle, this is objectively a bad film that you can enjoy, but any careful analysis would show that this is a film that is poorly written, poorly paced, unfunny and just not entertaining. The next question is why does it not work compared to the first film. As a disclaimer, I'm not the biggest Matthew Vaughn fan, but I genuinely liked the first Kingsmen, Stardust, Layer Cake and Kick-Ass which means I at least have some understanding what he goes for and the choices he make. The first Kingsmen was universally well liked, except for some who didnt like the vulgar humour which I can kind of understand. However, with Kingsmen the film had a heart and a very structured story that saw the development of a young lad to someone with responsbility and suave. It had interesting character dynamic, characters that were menancing yet hillarious, and mostly it subverted the typical spy genre with glaring over the top violence but done in a way that was original and realistic. Yet with Kingsmen:tHe golden circle (KTGC), this film lacks every one of those elements that made the first one worked.

First, the script is a complete shambles. Without spoiling too much, this film felt exactly like Guardians of the Galaxy 2 where for almost 2/3 of the film there was little to not plot with random scenes justapoxed to create a barebone story. As from the trailer, we see the destruction of the Kingsmen (which is fine) and they go to America to find their counterpart, The Statesmen, for help. The start is okay because they at least set up the relationship between the characters and introduce us back the princess from the first film as the main lover which works at the start. However, once the get to America they basically spend a majority of that time talking and finding out that Colin Firth's character is alive and they spend pretty much half the movie trying to make him come back. This is half of the film. Then we get the traditional baddy fight and finding the McGuffin. A lot of what happens on screen doesn't make sense and there are some very poor choices in how characters die or appear in screen. For example, there is a certain rock start that just spends his entire time swearing, whilst funny at first, becomes very dry very soon before he randomly does a Cantona. Another character you think might be the main character, turns out to be just a cameo. The problem with this film is that it lacks heart and any sort of stakes as we quickly find out death is no longer an issue. Characters never explain their motivations and we actually spend more time with Eggsy and his princess than anybody else. The film also expects you to remember every minor callback from the first film with constant references to trivial things from the past whilst not developing them at all. Remember the amazing Church scene you saw, well how about every action scene in this film should be shot like that except its only 1 character versus 5-6 people? The script is so bad that it constantly relies on character exposition dumping what they are going to do next because they themselves don't know what is happening. Arguably what made the original Kingsmen good was that it was a subversion of the spy/action genre with good characters. You will not find any good characters in this film. They are all tedious, monotonous and dull. Some characters that almost have an arc become quickly reduced, whilst some having no arc are given one immediately by the end. Even as a squemish person of violence, I found this film had hardly any violence compared to the first film. Characters seem to appear and go whenever they choose and there is a lack of the 'real world' in this film. Sadly, Emma Thomson and Julianne Moore are reduced to nothingness, whilst other characters are built with shakey motivations and inconsistent actions that are never explained (Colin Firth shoots a character in the film but the film never explains why he does so except he believes so, and another character decides to their customer because they want to be known? but could easily just buy a legitimate company and be famous?) And the worst thing is that the world-building is non-existent.

Overall, you can like KTGC, but don't say its better than the first film. Its not, you are just deluding yourself. If you are expecting an over the top film with silly gags, I would suggest something like XXX:Return of Xander Cage or Fast and Furious. At least those films are honest about what they are and you might be actually entertained. Don't let those fancy suits fool you.