Review of Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) by Lizzy K — 24 Sep 2017

Yikes. Don't waste your time on this movie, let's just all collectively agree to pretend it never happened. For the record, I absolutely LOVED the first one. Hands down one of my favorite movies. I have been excited for this movie ever since it was FIRST announced, so when I read some of the bad reviews I thought "hey, if a movie has bad reviews from the critics, that means it's fun, right?" Wrong. It's not fun. It's boring as all hell. I'll start with the "cons" end of my pros+cons list first, since trust me, I have WAY more to talk about there. (Spoilers inbound).

CONS:

? camera work was extremely shaky and near-nauseating to watch.

? special effects looked cartoony, cheap, and very amateur-esque.

? multiple characters that felt extremely out of place (Elton John? What?).

? killed beloved characters for shock value rather than plot relevance.

? the villain was basically a recycled version of Valentine (Imagine Valentine, but far less interesting, funny, or nuanced. That's your new villain.).

? Channing Tatum is in nearly all the promotional covers as if he's a character, when in reality he's only in about 5 scenes? Why is he even here?

? The plot was extremely bland. Honestly, half the movie was just listening to my once-favorite characters just waste my time.

? unnecessary, awkward sex scene (yes, even more awkward and unnecessary than the LAST one).

? unnecessary, awkward romance sub-plot.

? it's been a while since I've seen anything so damn HOKEY. It's not even hokey in a good, fun way, it's just cringe-worthy.

? there are only around 3 fight scenes. They're not even quality fight scenes either! They're short, look extremely cheap, and just feel completely unsatisfying.

PROS:

? there were 2 puppies.

? Harry is alive.

That's it. Those are the only two reasons I'm giving it even one single star. Honestly, I think "The Hitman's Bodyguard", as silly as it was, succeeded more as an action movie than this one did.