Review of Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) by Rahul S — 25 Sep 2017

All of the problems of a sequel are present here in this sometimes weirdly incompetent followup from Matthew Vaughn to his own Kingsman The Secret Service, that movie was a shot in the fucking arm for blockbuster cinema and a thrilling riposte to the joyless and overtly sombre Daniel Craig Bond Era, wildly subversive, ultra violent, foul mouthed and completely insane, it was like a Roger Moore era Bond meets Regan era Schwarzenegger a breathe of fresh air, a wilfully offensive and playfully nasty blast.

The sequel is in all fairness, filled with great moments, the opening cab fight, scored to Prince glorious pop masterpiece "Lets Go Crazy" and totally unhinged in it's choreography, it's a hell of a way to open the film, but that's about the size of it really.

The movie feels strangely toothless for starters, copious swearing aside it feels more like a conventional blockbuster, the edge that set the first film apart is heavily dulled, theres even less violence, often times it could be a Marvel movie for how bloodless and consequence free the fight scenes are, there are perhaps two or three scenes tops that earn the r-rating proper.

Then theres the real problem, the dreaded sequel bloat, which is in full effect here, two many plot lines, too many characters introduced and re-introduced, too much going on and so many goddamn superfluous scenes, indeed I could have done with out the whole plot about Eggsy's oddly soppy relationship with the princess, you know the one he buttfucked at the end of the first film, this turn of events feel disturbingly like a means to placate all the pussies who got all up in arms over the perceived misogyny last time round and if that was the case, they should probably have left out the truly off putting Glastonbury seduction scene, another superfluous and odd scene that goes nowhere and ends with a moment that makes you wonder what they were thinking, oh yeah lets have a cgi vaginal cavity shall we? cheers.

Speaking of pointless and odd, lets talk about Collin Firths return as Harry Heart. I didnt give two shits if it was a bit eyebrow raising, I was so up for more of Firths dashing, better than Bond badass and his banter with Eggsy, instead they make nothing but fucking bizarre, dull choices with the character, turning him into a butterfly hallucinating, milquetoast amnesiac for ages and then turning him into a really off version of himself and overall a bit of a dick.

They even do the other dreaded sequel thing of referencing, commenting on or flat out repeating scenes and jokes from the first film in a attempt to nod to the fans who actually want the characters to be taken in other, more unexpected directions rather than do stale and a little bit cringey, winking homages to stuff they loved last time, for instance the whole "manners maketh man scene is done again but plays out slightly differently, and characters sometimes repeat lines from the first in a dispiriting way.

Whats most weird here though, is how it unenjoyable it is, everything feels so cluttered and crowded, there's no anchor to the film to weigh any of it down long enough to give a shit about, and the places the story goes dont inspire much, why they felt the need to introduce "the statesman", an American conglomerate of Kingsman, I dont know, it takes away from the englishness of the films identity and the new characters introduced are mostly useless.

Jeff Bridges is in like two scenes and doing that "gumballs in the mouth thing" that regrettably seems to have stuck since he did True Grit. Channing Tatum is good but in it for about ten minutes before he's taken out of the plot for the rest of the film for some reason, Halle Berry is saddled with the kind of thankless, underwritten role that Hollywood always gives her.

The only standout is the terrific Pedro Pascal from Narco's, the movie should have done better things with him. The movie has that other sequel thing, that too eager to please thing, where what worked in the first is amped up until it doesnt feel like the first anymore, just a sad, distant, shallow copy.

The film is also plagued by the sort of terrible, weightless cartoon cgi (the shy lift scene) that makes me fed up with most modern blcokbusters (why filmmakers cant see how bad these effects look is beyond me) luckily thing perk up at the climax, which is (mostly) the sort of gleeful, insane anarchy I wanted from this, rather than just another big budget, hollywood movie, the film goes brillintly nuts, and a demented cameo steals the film big time, but it's all too little too late and the film just deflates again quickly anyway.

Maybee one day, i'll be a bit more charitable to it, and I certainly hope theres more, this could be the punk rock riposte to the new Bonds Sam Smith, but for now, I just wanted it to end.