Review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) by Palpetinesheev — 08 Jul 2018

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is the dumbest film I have seen in a while. I'm not saying that it is a horrible film, I wouldn't even say that I hated it, but I feel as though that is only because I was laughing at how unbelievably stupid it is.

For the first 50 minutes, (from the opening to the part when they jump that truck onto the boat) the movie was fairly OK. However, once they get onto the boat the movie crashes harder than the Titanic.

For some reason, the filmmakers thought it would be a good idea to set the second half of their Jurassic Park movie in a big old rich man's mansion. Even though I enjoyed the first 50 minutes, they were far from perfect.

They split Owen and Claire up in this movie just to have them come back together again. Ian Malcolm was completely wasted and contained no importance to the plot and was merely there for fan service. Two of the new characters are Zia, a doctor for dinosaurs who has actually never been in person with a dino, and Franklin, and annoying tech guy stereotype who screams annoyingly and is scarred of everything.

The villains are complete and total cartoon characters. Toby Jones plays a Donald Trump lookalike who is nothing but a stereotypical jerk businessman who is a jerk who just wants to sell dinosaurs for money.

Rafe Spall plays an idiot who is in charge of getting the dinosaurs off the island and to James Cromwell's mansion where he can sell them. And Buffalo Bill is just the worst. James Cromwell is good but he's wasted in the film as discount Hammond, Chris Pratt is Chris Pratt and as usual he is likable, and Brice Dallas Howard is actually much better this time.

Even the kid who plays Maisie is pretty good, even though the big reveal of her being a clone is the stupidest thing ever. Actually second stupidest. The stupidest thing ever is the scene where Buffalo Bill can't stop his obsession of collecting teeth.

In the chaos of everyone at the dinosaur auction being attacked, Buffalo Bill decided it’s a great time to go in the mansion and ask for his money while countless people are running from the building in terror.

He sees the Indoraptor (the custom genetically altered dino in the movie) in a cage and decides he wants one of its teeth for his collection. So he shoots it with 2 tranquilizers and it falls over. He opens up the cage and walks in leaving the door of the cage open.

It turns out the Indoraptor was pretending to be tranquilized, so it smiles and winks at the audience. Buffalo Bill then gets eaten and the dinosaur is now loose. And that's how the final Battle starts.

Great name by the way, Indoraptor, such a different and more inventive name than the Indominous Rex, the genetically altered dino bad guy from the last movie. Though this movie had great visual effects, some solid performances, and an enjoyable 1st act; the film is a failure on every other front, though it is an entertaining failure.

Oh how the Kingdom of the once great Jurassic Park series has fallen. To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm in the first Jurassic Park: "I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here, it didn't require any discipline to attain it.

You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now, you’re selling it.

You’re selling it. You’re selling it. Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.