Review of Jurassic World (2015) by Smith T — 10 Mar 2018

Super Spoilers: I love this movie, but I think it can definitely be summed up below here and save you a couple hours of your life.

Chris Pratt trains raptors now. They're BFFs for sure. But there's a new dinosaur in town...(we'll call her Ultrasaur). She is the ultimate fighter. She senses your body heat, so there literally is nowhere to hide. In her "cage" she manages to fool the staff to look like she's not in there...she escaped!? They open the doors...fools...and her plan works perfectly. She takes out a guy, and is now on the loose.

Meanwhile, two kids are still inside the park..."safe" in a glass ball while on a tour of dinoville. Ultrasaur sneaks up on them (what a creeper) and smashes the glass they're in to dust. They run away, jump down a waterfall, and Ultrasaur shakes her head and doesn't care to go after such tiny meals; she leaves...

A man with a goatee shows up, and thinks trained raptors are the perfect tool in war. He wants to use them to fight Ultrasaur. But how? They're so tiny, and she's as big as a planet. C Pratt says he's their leader and friend...he will talk to them and tell them what's up.

The raptors come face to face with Ultrasaur, and turns out...she's part raptor! Oh no! Now she's their leader, and they turn on everyone. Don't worry...Pratt gets away.

Now what? The only solution is to get an equally big fighter.

A girl with red hair tells Nick Miller from New Girl (best show ever!) to "open the gate!".

"No way!" he yells.

"Do it!" she says again.

And here comes T-Rex out of the shadows...Roar!!!

Red hair girl runs with a flare in hand, and T-Rex follows her...sees Ultrasaur and says "what the hell are you doing here! This is my house!".

A lot of destruction happens now...I mean, I hope no one left their wallet in one of those buildings, because they are not getting it back. Ultrasaur is about to rip out T-Rex's throat...when two raptors change sides again, run around the corner and jump on Ultrasaur's back. T-Rex gets back up and helps them push her far enough to the edge of the land, and out of nowhere Aquasaur leaps out from her pool, grabs on to Ultrasaur's neck and they all take her down.

T-Rex and Raptor look at each other and say "thank you...you go that way; I'll go this way" The end, peace iiit...