Review of Jurassic World (2015) by Hairytea — 23 Jun 2015

TL;DR: If you like youtube videos of dinosaurs punching other dinosaurs in the face, this film may entertain you - if you can switch of your logical thinking so you don't go: "Wait, why ...?" or "Wait, what ?".

If you prefer a good story arc, good characters or or at least decently portrayed dinosaurs, you may spend your money better somewhere else.

After seeing it at XKCD, my expectations weren't high, but my friends wanted to go. Sadly, the film is quite good at expectation limbo.

Strong points:

- some good CGI, though often Jurassic Parc looked better and sometimes the movement didn't look like actual animals but more like gummisaurus.

- If you like to watch videos of people in theme parcs, then this is for you; in the first 60 minutes, you have this a lot.

- 1 characters I liked (Omar Sy alias Barry - why didn't he have more screen time than 5 minutes?).

- I liked the idea of the raptor-whisperer, though it became ridiculous in the last 45 minutes - action feeding on plot, destroying the sense of all former exposition.

Weak points:

- The musical score - just copy from the first one! Instead 2 min of the original, most of the time mediocre, and sometimes so bad you notice ("And in the blue corner, Mr. T.S. Reeeeex *fanfare*).

- The plot is like swiss cheese (admittingly, the original one had some problems too, but often it was at least try to provide a reason and the pathing was so well crafted that one didn't wondered about the actions all the time).

- Dinosaurs are, literally, terrifying - they don't need to be concrete-breaking, camouflaging, suicidal gremlin-monsters. And though I can accept that a potentially social animal can learn how to use a door handle, but you get a headache when a giant turkey outsmarts 1 manager, 1 animal trainer and 15 security NPCs (ok, the latter nicely grouped together and used essentially pointy sticks = close combat weapons against a 10m dinosaur, I guess they weren't the problem).

- too many unnecessary (=emotionless) deaths of NPCs and small characters.

- Spoiler: There is not 1, but 4 pathetic endings: one involving Mr Pratt having pink lip gloss, another one dino-dino-human-giant-water-saurier team work, with concluding imaginary hat tipping and fist bumping (it was only not in the movie because T-Rex forelimbs were too short).

If you want to read other reasons why I consider this one of the worst films I've seen in a while, you may read shadowsfall444, Alan2306, jblac02, ...

What could have done to make it a decent film even without better dialogue or characters:

- cut out unnecessary characters (parents, assistant, pig-guy, control room girl...).

- cut out unnecessary deaths.

- cut out unnecessary side plots.

- copy+paste original score.

- portray dinosaurs with state-of-the-art science (you may make them smarter than a chicken, but give them feathers and don't let a nude eagle lift a cow!).

- 1 or max 2 endings should be enough (see the original).

I personally prefer JP3, and if it is only for Sam Neill acting. Would have given it maybe a 3, but some reviews just smelled like payed reviews to me, and I think the 59 critics rating is more to the truth.