Review of Jurassic World (2015) by Mtg837 — 20 Oct 2015

Why did they make this film? Perhaps Ian Malcom said it best: " You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now...".

And now.

Let me take you on a tour. The first thing you'll notice in JW are cliche stock characters: the woman so obsessed with her job she just needs a good strong man to make an honest woman out of her, the good strong man, the eeeevil, spoooky scientists, the money grubbing CEO......

Then you'll notice products. Products products products. Coke, Mercedes Benz, Samsung; at one point a child points out that a vine covered vehicle is a "1992 Jeep Wrangler..." because if you can't SHOW the product, you sure can have a child who inexplicably knows a lot about vehicles SAY the product.

Then, if you know anything about dinosaurs, you'll notice lots of mistakes. Like the mosasaurus being about 10 times bigger than it was in real life (the original JP took some liberties to make the dinos darker in shade than they probably were, but this movie is off the rails.).

Then you'll notice lots of logical inconsistencies. Like, after the Indominus Rex escapes, Bryce Dallas Howard's character is concerned that if they alert the crowd a dino is on the loose, the park will get closed. Are we supposed to believe that the resulting lawsuits from five peoples' deaths wouldn't shut the park down, anyway? Are we also supposed to believe that an ancient predator with a reptilian brain will just listen to Chris Pratt, because, reasons? Are we also supposed to believe that a military dude wants to steal raptors to use them in combat, even though they'd be unarmed and most wars are fought by drones, now, anyway?

Look, I didn't go into this movie with a bad outlook. I went into it hoping they might recapture some of the old magic. But this movie is all about loose plots with no emotional weight, big logical leaps, overdone product placement to the point you feel like you're watching a commercial, and to be completely honest, action scenes that are all special-effect with no exciting tension.