Review of Jurassic World (2015) by Andrew R — 03 Jul 2017

I almost feel like a shitty person for hating this movie as much as I did. The first 30 minutes of this 2 hour long fiasco are a product placement shit show. Hey I'm wearing my beats by dre, hey there's a very obvious Starbucks in the background, also Coca-Cola? Good shit right? As soon as that's done is de-volves into a jaws-esque animals are evil when they eat meat slasher film with absolutely no substance. Then there's the "I don't like children, but learn to live them over the course of evil beasts trying to eat us" arc coupled with the "prim and proper woman learns to appreciate the gruff but lovable outdoorsy guy" cliches. This movie is 2/10 shit and I absolutely hated it. Predictable and obvious garbage making no attempt to cover the fact that it's just a rip off of it's 20 year old source material. Also now it's not just a t-rex, it's more bad-ass and cool, also you liked raptor didn't you? Well the new monster is t-rex mixed with raptor!

I dunno, rant over. Movie sucked, all movies suck these days. Blah,blah,blah I'm a pretentious ass, and this isn't even half of the negative critique I had for this obvious shit...

Live long and prosper yo, also watch better movies. Notably 1991's jurassic park, it may not be perfect, but It gave an unquenchable thirst for knowledge of dinosaurs in it's own unique way without very obviously catering to nostalgia.