Review of Jupiter Ascending (2015) by Jason D — 25 Aug 2015

Tons of fx, and usually the fx are good. The one thing this has going for it is originality in the fanciful sci-fi universe. It is really, really out there visually. But the story's just horrible. The prologue is lame and nothing about the current situation is explained until 45 minutes in.

After that it becomes a super basic plot that sort of works except all the subplots you expect from a professionally done film are reduced to a line or two - this can sometimes work, but it's pretty rare.

Mila and Channing are okay, though Mila is clearly not athletic (which is fine, I'm just saying it's noticeable in the action scenes). Redmayne is just atrocious as the most evil of the monarchs, completely overacting to the point of self-parody.

The story has giant gaping holes in it both plot wise and logic wise. At one point Tatum's character hitches a ride on a spaceship, unprotected, and it takes off from earth, goes into space, goes through a wormhole, and goes to another world, and he's still okay just hanging onto the landing gear.

The dialogue is humongously expositional, which regular fans might not be bothered by but anyone who's actually tried to write a script will find enraging. Also the tone is childish, yet fully serious.

Lots of sci-fi movies are criticized as all-visual, no actual substance. This one is actually deserving of that criticism. It has the sixth best or so visual effects of the year, sure, but in this case, that is literally all that's being offered.

You will be zoning out during giant intergalactic space battles.