Review of Jupiter Ascending (2015) by Uncle E — 23 Oct 2015

Holy god. The Wachowski's are known for their stunningly visual style, but that's about all this film has going for it. The dialogue can be horrendously bad, and Kunis and Tatum have little chemistry. Granted, Kunis occasionally delivers a line with deadpan humor, and Tatum's delivery somehow makes you take him more seriously that a pointy-eared alien with werewolf scent, hoverskates, and gunrunning skills ever should be. It is perhaps the pretentious performance of Eddie Redmayne as the primary antagonist that brings it to its lowest low. His obnoxiously slow, whispering lines are meant to sound brooding and menacing, yet all it does it make the film's unnecessary runtime longer, and give audiences time to check their social media.

Only post-reflection on the plot would truly tell you how bad and stupid the story is. So intricately that you don't get it the first time; ironic.