Review of Jupiter Ascending (2015) by Eagleeyeviking — 08 Feb 2015

The career of the Wachowski siblings plays out like the Matrix trilogy they directed. It started spectacularly and ever since has taken a downward spiral upto this new colossal mess as Jupiter Ascending, the first blockbuster special-effects-extravaganza film of 2015, is one beautiful blunder.

By far the most attractive toilet cleaner on Earth (hey, something original), Jupiter Jones, (played by the perfectly functional Mila Kunis) finds out through Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) that she is the heir to the throne of Jupiter and so sets out with him to be the queen.

Channing Tatum, impressive in recent movies reduces himself to a stoic poker faced guy this time around. He is topless half the running time and nearly smiles once... nearly. And his ears... well it might be best to not talk about it while antagonist Balem (Eddie Redmayne) mainly stands out due to his: 1) Weird Accent and 2) Occasional screaming (to wake the audience up of course). Other side characters such as Sean Bean's and Douglas Booth's characters are instantly forgettable.

A love story is hinted between the two leads, which in large part is cute and functional, but adds absolutely nothing to the plot. The same can be said for Jupiter's Earth family, who serve no purpose to the already convoluted plot.

One positive note is the visual effects and the scope of the movie itself. Bolstered by the well used IMAX 3D, the action in this movie is at least memorable, with an 8 minute sequence in Chicago particularly standing out.

With the splash of cash provided to visual effects, it is evident that the plot was left for dead. With a lack of cohesiveness and plot holes everywhere, Jupiter Ascending never ascends to more than average space politics despite the impressive world building. The script is terribly written with stiff dialogue spoken by unremarkable characters and sci-fi jargon used whenever there is no logical reasoning. The structure of the movie, is similarly terrible largely due to its incohesive plot.

Overall, this is a pretty piece of **** from the Wachowski's. Nuff said.