Review of Jupiter Ascending (2015) by Jack F — 02 Jan 2017

I'm a big fan of Lily and Lana Wachowski. Generally speaking, the films they're involved in are pretty damn good. The "Matrix" trilogy is an obvious standout in the sci-fi action genre; their debut feature, "Bound," is a hidden neo-noir gem; "V for Vendetta," which they wrote, is one of my favorite movies; and "Cloud Atlas" is an ambitious, fascinating, visually gorgeous (if not a little convoluted) film.

But I don't know what happened here. "Jupiter Ascending" retains some of the Wachowskis' hallmarks, particularly from the technical side. The special effects are often outstanding and many of the action set pieces are handled quite skillfully.

But the derivative, bizarro story is a mess, cobbled together with pieces of other movies. Part "Terminator," part "Star Wars," part "John Carter," part "The Island," part family soap opera...still, the problem isn't so much that the material feels recycled. (After all, the filmmakers' most popular movie, "The Matrix," combined elements of films such as "Strange Days" and "Dark City," not to mention any number of John Woo-styled action movies.) It's that, this time, the Wachowskis haven't really found anything interesting to do with it. And with inspiration coming from so many directions, is it any wonder the movie seems uneven? We go from a royal wedding to an epic outer space battle in a matter of minutes, and the connective tissue between the two is tenuous, at best.

The catalyst to all the mayhem is Jupiter (Mila Kunis), just an average, boring earthling...or is she? It turns out that, to her great surprise, Jupiter may actually be the "owner" of the planet, which places her in the crosshairs of a ruthless, warring band of intergalactic siblings. Her only hope is Caine (Channing Tatum), a planet-hopping bounty hunter who was bred for combat and whose DNA is mixed with that of a canine-like wild animal.

OK, whatever.

So each member of this space family wants Jupiter to relinquish control of Earth to them so that they can use its denizens for "harvesting." The most ruthless is Balem (Eddie Redmayne), who commands a fleet of fierce, lizard-like warriors and creepy little aliens who can masquerade as humans.

It's certainly a weird story, and one of my biggest issues with it is how just how willing Jupiter was to accept it. After getting rescued by Caine the first time and getting the lowdown, she barely takes a moment to digest it before she's willing to just go along for the adventure with this weird, outer space dog-man. OK, now granted, she just witnessed some crazy shit, and I'm sure some of her "doubting scenes" were trimmed in favor of the film's running time, which already feels long. But I still didn't buy how quick she was to accept all this nonsense. I mean, in "The Terminator," Sarah Connor actually bit Kyle Reese in an attempt to get away from him when he told her the truth about who she was, and this was AFTER she saw him pump ten shotgun rounds into the cyborg assassin that had tried to kill her.

Part of this could also be on the actors. They don't have much chemistry together, and Mila Kunis just doesn't project the steely resolve needed in this kind of role. Channing Tatum fares a bit better in a role that doesn't require much more than fighting and glowering, but his trademark stiffness is present and accounted for. (And his makeup/wardrobe certainly doesn't do him any favors, with the pointy dog ears and blonde hair and goatee.).

And then there's Eddie Redmayne, who's certainly doing...something in his villainous role. He plays Balem as kind of a mincing, petulant dandy, affecting a speech pattern that, while certainly unique, comes across more as a distraction than anything else. He never really seems all that threatening. In fact, I'd argue that his lizard men seem like they'd make far more effective villains.

The film has the requisite spectacle, complete with laser blasters and fancy little hover boots--Tatum zips around the whole movie like some kind of demented, futuristic ice skater--and while it's all well-filmed, there's a certain hollowness to it that just left me cold. Maybe it was the weird storyline or maybe it was the boring characters, but I just couldn't get involved. "Jupiter Ascending" has all sorts of visual pleasures, but it's lacking any kind of depth, which is rare for a Wachowski film that I've seen. The "Matrix" films were eye-popping, sure, but they also had deep, philosophical themes and complex characters.

"Jupiter Ascending" belongs in the cold, dank recesses of space.