Review of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) by Carter B — 15 Apr 2018

A soulless cash grab on the original Jumanji that tries so hard to make you like it, but it is shallow beyond belief. It attempts to be a parable on morality for modern day kids, but it boasts such a condescending tone, that no one could help but being offended by its attitude. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle assumes that every contemporary kid must be a selfish person with no regard for others. The viewer is spoken down to like a complete idiot with no knowledge of anything. This new Jumanji is atrocious. It treats you like a simpleton without any regard to the audience. It pales in comparison to the heartfelt original Jumanji with Robin Williams, who would no doubt be turning over in his grave over this joyless, corporate remake.

The acting is so bad and unbelievable. While the cast seems to be trying to dive into these odd roles and have fun, I certainly had none. It's a slow drag that feels like they could have cut an hour, but they could not have been so merciful. This new Jumanji reboot relies on cringe inducing comedy that feels very forced. It's just awful.

I am baffled at the number of dated references Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle piles on to make you remember better movies. Old references litter this film at every turn from Indiana Jones to Tropic Thunder, while it never thrills as much as the former, nor does Jumanji deliver as many laughs as the latter. It's a mess all around.

I also felt like I was watching that early 2000's live action Scooby Doo movie while looking at the horribly rendered CGI in Jumanji. They spared no expense at making this movie look about 20 years too old. It's a blur of rushed CGI and fake backgrounds that never convince you you're in this world.

If you are not yet convinced to that this modern take on Jumanji is a tiresome commodity rather than a real film, Jumanji shoves obvious product placement regularly whenever they can get away with it. I hope the money that Sony put up for this movie was well spent because they take up about as much screen time as The Rock's muscles.

Please do not waste your time on Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. If you are looking for a fun time with your family or an enjoyable film, just watch the original Jumanji from 1995.