Review of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) by Rigerwortis — 25 Dec 2017

What a **** movie. Didn't Dwayne Johnson and Jack Black have better things to do then be cast in this godawful, generic, dull, CGI jungle-esque, winter-bluster of a film? This movie was one word, "Cheap." The laughs were cheap, the jokes were borderline toilet humor, all the kids were miscast and honestly why couldn't they be THEMSELVES. Good job hollywood, proof that young adults don't actually grow or learn anything in life unless they are transformed into better actors and go through a heartfelt journey in a videogame jungle or whatever garbage this film pretends count for an actual story. Nothing stands out about this movie, the villain sucks, the dialogue is juvenile, the music is totally forgettable and thanks to you Sony, for telling me which musical cues to feel emotion from in your bland forgettable cheese-ball cartoon of a film. Had they not started playing something in the background to remind us that we're supposed to feel things that weren't earned whatsoever, I would've just continued to think to myself, "God stop trying to develop or get the audience to relate to this diverse quirky group of breakfast club stand-ins and please get the movie over with already.".

Terrible movie. Friend fell asleep towards the end. Woke her up and said, "Don't worry all you missed was CGI Dwayne Johnson riding a motorcycle up a mountain and some retarded villain that no one ever thought mattered get his comeuppance and turn into bugs or whatever." The fact that the only people in my Theater laughing were black people, laughing at a black character, making typical fish-out-of-water jokes, and the fact that this somehow has a higher rating than the original, only proves just how much IQ's have DROPPED since the first film came out. I'm by no means saying the original film is amazing, but at least it was memorable, I expect people to forget about this one in about 3 months. Give a slow clap for Sony as they dig a deeper grave for their own movie studio on your way out of this one.