Review of Jumanji (1995) by Salman G — 09 Feb 2014

"I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine; things you can't even see. There are things that haunt you in the night; then something screams, and you hope to god you will not meet the same fate. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is.".

When I look at the name of Joe Johnston, I always shudder when I look at the films he directed. He's made two of the worst films I've ever seen in my life, Jurassic Park 3, which got a rare 0% in my book, and the embarrassing Honey I Shrunk the Kids. The only film I've seen from Johnston that was actually a good film was Captain America: The First Avenger. As for Jumanji, a kids adventure film that supposedly was a game-changer in CGI effects, his reputation as being one of the worst filmmakers on the planet is going up... and up... and up. Boy did I not enjoy this film at all. Roger Ebert said it best in his review by calling it "a gloomy special-effects extravaganza filled with grotesque images, generating fear and despair." While I'm not as exaggerating at what the King of Film Criticism puts it, Jumanji is indeed a terrible, ridiculous, stupid, dumb, idiotic, and obnoxious summer blockbuster that I wished was never made.

Jumanji is about two children, Judy (a young Kirsten Dunst) and Peter (Bradley Pierce), who discover a mysterious board game, titled Jumanji, in the abandoned house they just moved into. Upon playing the game, they realize that this game is unlike any other game, on every turn, creatures, such as lions, rhinos, beasts, and monkeys, come out of the game and make the area out of control. Even crazier comes the appearance of Alan Parrish (Robin Williams), an adult who was trapped inside the game since he was a boy. Along with Alan's former girlfriend (Bonnie Hunt) who was there the night of the disappearance, they all realize that the only way to make things normal again is by finishing the game they started.

Jumanji also stars Jonathan Hyde as the ruthless African hunter Van Pelt, Bebe Neuwirth as the children's Aunt Nora, and David Alan Grier as Carl the cop.

When looking at the story, you'd think that Jumanji would be this awesome adventure film with a ton of heart and a ton of fun. After all, the story was written by Chris Van Allsburg, who also wrote a wonderful story called The Polar Express, which became one of my favorite movies to watch around the Christmas season. As a movie, Jumanji is just a mess. What's wrong with Jumanji, well let me tell you. The first thing wrong with this film are the visuals for the creatures. They're some of the worst visuals I've ever seen in my life! This film was released just two years after the visual breakthrough that was Jurassic Park, and after two years, you'd think that Jumanji's visuals would be SUPERIOR to Jurassic Park, but NO, the visuals are just horrific. When looking at these creatures, you know upon first glance that they were created by computers, especially those monkeys, they were the worst offenders! Even more embarrassing is the fact that the visuals were created by the greatest visual makers in the business, Industrial Light and Magic, who also did the visuals for Jurassic Park. Very rarely does this studio create lackluster visuals, but Jumanji might very well be the worst visuals ever put in Industrial's career.

As for the story, while the idea sounds excellent when written on paper, as a movie, it just doesn't work. For one thing, it's been made extremely rushed, rushed to the point to where we don't care at all for any of the characters, worst offender being the Robin Williams character, as we don't see him actually inside the game. Had I made this film, the first thing I would have done was show at least 30 minutes of Robin getting adjusted to his time inside the game and pondering his fate in life. Another problem with this story is how juvenile it is. In Ebert's review, he complained that the story would be too scary for young children. While I highly respect his opinion, as he hated this film as much as I do, I don't think children would be frightened by Jumanji at all; rather I think children would be bored out of their mind. Not only is the plot juvenile and ridiculous, but it lacks the suspense and fun that films like Jumanji should have. Again, had I made Jumanji, the plot would be darker, more suspenseful to where it would keep everyone on the edge of their seat, would have better characterization, and be a lot more fun.

Not only is character development bad, but the acting isn't special at all. What's embarrassing is that the only actors that were decent in their parts were the child actors, Kirsten Dunst, who I would love dearly in her role in the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films, and Bradley Pierce. They weren't perfect, as the script made the characters dull, but I liked the way they handled their acting abilities in a poor script. As for the rest of the acting, it's pretty bad. David Alan Grier as a cop??? Bad decision! Bonnie Hunt as the love interest??? I like her, but she was too obnoxious in this role. Jonathan Hyde??? Too dull and one-dimensional as the so-called "villain". What about the lead actor, Robin Williams??? As much as I respect Robin in his comedic works, he was clearly miscast in this role. First off, he wasn't even funny, and his presence is really awkward. He tries to be really mature, and he can do mature roles, such as Dead Poet's Society, but in Jumanji it fails miserably to the point where it ruins the movie. The role would have been better had someone more serious would have done the role, but with Robin Williams, it just doesn't work.

And lastly, James Horner's score I'm just not going to bother talking about cause it's one of the most forgettable scores I've heard in my life! Nuff said! Jumanji likely has a good fanbase as it did fairly well at the box-office, but I am not one of those fans. This film is filled with poor CGI effects, poor acting, a juvenile story, rushed pacing, and a lack of pure suspense that a film like this should have. Joe Johnston has three really rotten films in his career; this, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and Jurassic Park 3. Honey and Jurassic were far worse than this, but either way, three really rotten films is just bad.