Review of Jonah Hex (2010) by Hector R — 17 May 2012

A mercifully fleet and lamentably uninteresting adaptation of the DC Comic about a war-weary Confederate soldier. The opening frame of Jonah Hex should say: "Caution: Made expressly for the male teen demographic. Not suitable for anyone of any age who prefers movies with coherence, an original plot or characters they give a hoot about." The star is done in by the deathless mediocrity of the production, an assemblage of random camera shots, messy editing, redundant scenes, and witless dialogue as haphazardly stitched together as the flesh on Jonah Hex's face. Jonah Hex somehow manages to waste the talents of Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Aidan Quinn and Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a story that combines vengeance, the occult and an Old West war on terror (really). The best part of Jonah Hex is Josh Brolin on a horse. Especially when he's not saying anything, just moseying into or out of town. Too had he never moseys into a better movie. Every once in a while, a film limps into theaters so stitched together, it's a wonder it doesn't rip apart in the projector. Jonah Hex is such a film.

VERDICT: "Hit The Exits" - [Panned Reaction] These are some of the worst films ever made. These films do everything wrong and do it worse than bad. Audiences should never see this film under any circumstances! (Films that are rated 0.5 or 1 stars).