Review of John Wick (2014) by Zaiten — 14 Jan 2015

John Wick is an action film for millennials who grew up on a diet of Call of Duty and Marvel movies. It's like that, sans that pesky "plot" stuff. Remove all semblance of coherent character development, leave all running and gunning and you got John Wick. It's actually less fun than it sounds. It's like a shooter video game with silly cut-scenes; except you're stuck watching the cut-scenes. This is like a movie based on a crummy videogame, which was based on a B movie. This isn't like watching 1995 Mortal Kombat "so bad it's good", it's like watching an Uwe Bol film, retardedly bad. An action movie without a proper plot is like a shinny sports car without an engine.

I never watch a film without scrutinizing the people involved. I should have known better, I was tricked by my inner Keanu fan. You know how sometimes you watch a flick so bad you feel like punching something? I wrote my first review. This nearly plot-less drivel was written by stunt actors. I didn't know stunt actors could write and direct. The answer is they cannot, specifically, not these guys behind this script. if you want stylish gun action, watch Equilibrium. If you want a great revenge movie, get Deathwish, Taken, Old Boy. I am going to watch Pointbreak, Speed and Matrix back-to-back to lift myself up from the utter let-down that was John Wick. Also, beware the dead CGI puppy.