Review of John Carter (2012) by Midlands M — 11 Jul 2014

The film that cost £250 million (that's £13m more than Avatar!) and put a big dent in Disney's balance sheet finally comes to DVD and like another time traveller I have to say "oh, boy" what a right mess they have made.

On the positives? They are too few but there's a lot more location shooting than all the Star Wars prequels put together and there was a solid 40 minutes where I went along with John Carter learning to run/jump on Mars and becoming friends with the aliens.

However, Lynn Collins puts an appalling turn in as the Princess caught up in the inter-planetary hokum and Mark Strong and Dominic West sleepwalk their way through pantomime villain roles as the bad guys du jour.

Even John Carter's beard was unconvincing! With an intro that harks back to the worst of Phantom Menace, I was surprised the film did not open in the past so the audience felt some anticipation and awe when finally being transported to the Martian landscape? Another scene looks directly lifted from Attack of the Clones' human versus monster in alien coliseum sequence.

Director Andrew Stanton said more in the near-silent 20 minutes intro of Wall*E than the entire long, overblown script and effects of this 2 hours and 12 minutes epic . The film can be added to an unlikely bunch of many bad desert/sandy sci-fi films made up of Dune, Chronicles of Riddick, Stargate crossed with the swords and sandals fare like Immortals, Prince of Persia and Troy.

Long Carter. And boring. Midlands Movies Mike 5/10.