Review of Jaws: The Revenge (1987) by Nick G — 30 Jul 2009

Ok, let's get something straight right off the bat. This movie is HORRIBLE! The acting is bad, the writing is bad, the direction is bad, the shark effects are ATROCIOUS!!!!! So how could I possibly like this movie? I don't know. But I do. Guilty pleasure, that's the only way to describe it. The idea of a shark holding a personal grudge against a family because they killed another shark....did someone really walk into a Hollywood executives' office and pitch that idea? Did that executive then say "Ok...green light...go make it."? Yep. They did. After her youngest son is killed by a great white shark (in the middle of a New England winter, no less), Ellen Brody goes to the Bahamas to vacation with her older son, and his family. Not only does the shark follow her there, it arrives BEFORE her! Forget that airplane, catch the first great white out of town. So now that the great white is happily swimming in warm Caribbean water (which sharks realistically don't like), it proceeds to stalk her, and her family on a personal vendetta. To their credit, most of the cast DOES try. However, screen legend Michael Caine whores himself out in a pointless role as a charter pilot. Mario Van Peebles is at his most irritating in a Jamaican accent so over the top, it borders on parody. Now...the visual effects. Where to start? Let's be honest, the shark NEVER looked real in any of the Jaws movies. But here...well let me put it this way...my 10 year old daughter said "It looks like a stuffed animal you buy at the store." 'Nuff said? It's bad...as bad as movies get...but I like it.

SPOILER NOTE: The DVD contains an alternate ending not seen in America. It's obvious why. A character thought dead inexplicably survives, and "ocean" shot are so bad, so phony, that you can actually SEE the water splashing against the phony sky backdrop.