Review of Jaws: The Revenge (1987) by Sally B — 13 Jul 2011

Haven't seen the film in a little while, forgive me for missing something/wrong info.

After Sean Brody is killed by the most realistic looking mechanical shark ever, Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) is convinced this shark has a vendetta against the Brody family. Michael Brody (Lance Guest) turns out to be a marine biologist. Not only is this convenient to the plot, but it ignores Jaws 3's idea of Mike being a SeaWorld worker...or something. Anyway, Ellen decides to go where no shark will bother her anymore......THE BAHAMAS! Not only is this a very poor decision, but the shark must've overheard this conversation, because when Ellen and family go to the Bahamas, not only does the shark follow them, but he gets there first. Terrific! When they get there Lorraine meets Hoagie and LOVE IS IN THE AIR. Being the great parents they are, Michael allows Thea (Judith Barsi) on a wonderful Banana Boat of FUN. This fun banana boat ends up to be a banana boat of...deadliness, as good old Bruce kills an innocent civilian. Ellen is SHOCKED. She goes to finish the shark once and for all in Jake's boat. Michael arrives and sees his dear wife holding Thea, who is in shock. And Michael finally (albeit by accident) says that he knew the shark was out there. So he goes with Hoagie and Jake in the magical airplane to find her. They do; and secure a safe landing on the water, by a revenge-seeking shark. Mike and Jake get out easily, but Hoagie takes his sweet-ass time and gets sunk along with the plane. But he manages to escape and gets on the boat; as dry as...well...someone who hasn't been in water. Jake then decides to put this...thing inside the shark to make him go absolutely nuts. I don't see how this would kill him, but whatever. So Jake goes to the edge...stick to feed it to him. The shark unexpectedly flies up to him and eats him all up. Of course, Jake didn't forget to put that device in the shark's mouth. So, Mike presses a button to make the shark go crazy. It makes the shark so crazy that it defies all logic and roars...like Spot from the Munsters. In fact, I think that IS Spot's roar. Wow. Anyway Ellen ignores Hoagie's warning to come about and goes straight for the shark, stabs him with the moat and the shark struggles on it and dies...I guess. When the shark falls into the water, it takes the boat with it and Ellen and co. fall out of the boat and then go back to shore, somehow. Then Hoagie flies Ellen to Amity and all is well! Two people died in this movie. Wow.

Now, I've seen an alternate ending where the shark explodes when he hits the moat (?) and Jake survives. Whatever, either way this movie is so great and obviously not full of plot holes and errors.

Kicked off a star because I had to see Michael Caine dance.

Lovely lines:

"Sharks come and go, Ellen!".

"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!".

"We got us a great...white! Now we're gonna do some REAL research, boi!".

"I have an irresistible urge to kiss you, Ellen Brody.".

" I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy.".

"Dad died of a heart attack!".

"No, he died from fear. The fear of the shark!".

" If mediocrity were fat, you'd all be whales!".

"I deliver laundry!".

What a great film.

4/5.