Review of Jason X (2001) by Jeff H — 25 Apr 2011

Even astronauts in the future aren't safe from ridiculously overpowered Jason as he does his usual kill 'em one at a time in this schlock. The astronauts don't feel like real astronauts such as the ones in Sunshine or 2001, but instead are more stupid teenagers who play video games and screw like rabbits. I guess taking the Jason franchise out of it's comfort zone with the cast ages is out of the question but throwing Jason in space isn't; and you wonder why no one normal watches these fucking movies. I would be lying however if I said I didn't enjoy watching Jason get tricked to thinking he was on Earth and found some scantily clad women that proclaim "we're dumb and horny". It's almost like the director knows we're watching shit and basically rewarded us for sticking through it. Despite being in space there are only 2 interesting deaths with the given atmosphere, and one was ripped off from Alien Resurrection when someone gets sucked through a tiny hole. The rest is people getting machete'd over and over again.

Why are there about 20 Jason movies anyway? Are pent up angry people really getting that much of a release watching some juggernaut kill the idiot teenagers? I can only picture a crotchety old man yelling triumphantly when he sees the harlot whore who just had sex get her head sliced off, "that'll teach that slut to have sex!". Maybe the horror genre wouldn't suck so much dick if the filmmakers didn't assume their audience is nothing more than angry people who like watching idiots suffer.