Review of It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002) by Thomas B — 14 Aug 2009

Normally, when I write a negative review, I take a certain amount of pleasure in doing so. Analysis is satisfying, and there often seems to be more to say about something you didn't like than something you did. But in the case of It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie, I can take no pleasure in analysing it. Even though it is a lame, awkward and miserably below-par Muppet movie, it's hard to really hate anything featuring the Muppets, particularly when it is obviously made with good intentions. But God, this film sucks. And to say that makes me much more miserable than satisfied.

Essentially It's A Wonderful Life with Kermit replacing James Stewart, It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie - which I'll henceforth call Merry Muppet Christmas to save time - is neither a spoof nor a homage. It simply presents facets of that revered, much-loved movie and tries to update them a little, using Muppets and annoying modern-day gimmicks like websites and MP3s. It's not a great idea because there isn't much about It's A Wonderful Life that you could really spoof. Also, while there is some potential to applying the plot of Frank Capra's movie to Kermit the Frog - showing us a world where he never existed - it's shot in the foot by once again rebooting the Muppets' lives and jobs, as happens in every single one of their movies.

In Merry Muppet Christmas, they run the Muppet Theatre. They want to put on a show for Christmas, but the wicked Mrs Bitterman (Joan Cusack) is trying to swindle them out of their theatre before they can do it. That's about it for plot; before you ask, Kermit does not try to kill himself, like George Bailey. He just gets a bit depressed. An angel, Daniel (David Arquette) is sent to show him how life would be different without him, and all is well.

It sounds amiable enough, and it is, I suppose. But it just doesn't work. Firstly, much like It's A Wonderful Life, it takes about an hour to even get to the plot: the rest is all setup. Secondly, the jokes are either unbelievably tired (like when Arquette is given a "For Dummies" book, and when two characters have a badly-dubbed martial arts fight) or bafflingly inappropriate. Pepe the Prawn's strange fascination with Mrs Bitterman is a good example of the latter; also an extended reference to Moulin Rouge, which kids won't have seen, just doesn't fit the movie at all. Speaking of references, there are awkwardly unfunny nods to The Grinch and even Star Wars, which are affectionately touted as "send-ups" on the DVD cover but essentially amount to no more than mentioning a thing and not actually making a joke out of it. Thirdly, while there's a lot of potential mileage in showing us a world without Kermit - and by extension the Muppets, since he's always been the brain of the organisation - Merry Muppet Christmas doesn't bother exploring it. Life without Kermit just means there's a nightclub instead of a theatre, his friends never met each other, and everyone has a different job. Way to take an intriguing idea and immediately bin it.

I barely laughed during the whole film, although admittedly Joan Cusack gets some delightfully villainous dialogue, David Arquette is as affably amusing as ever and there are a few surprisingly clever references to earlier Muppet films. The other celebrity cast members don't so much cameo as pointlessly flash by the screen; William H. Macy gets two or three lines as a thankless angelic middle-man, and the entire cast of Scrubs show up for a scene that might have been funny if it didn't feel like such a shameless plug.

Rather unavoidably, the Muppet performers have almost all changed. Even Frank Oz is no longer on board. The character voices are noticeably strained and off-key, sometimes even unrecognisable. It's a final nagging detail that renders Merry Muppet Christmas not just flat and lifeless, but also eerily ersatz. It rarely feels like a Muppet movie, and that's not just because all those fade-to-blacks keep reminding us that this was made for TV. (Well, that's no excuse. It's got "Movie" right there in the title!).

Cheap, tatty and feeble, this is strictly bargain bin fodder, and definitely the limpest Muppet outing I've been on. After this, Jim Henson's creations might be better off resting until someone comes up with a decent story, or one that works with Muppets in it. Merry Muppet Christmas will not do.