Review of Iron Man 3 (2013) by Borderlinefilms - — 03 Feb 2015

Heavy Boots of Lead.

As Tony Stark points out rather tellingly, "All nuance went out the window when the God with a hammer fell from the sky," or something to that effect. At least the writers and filmmakers knew they were going too far, pulling out all the stops, distracting us from the head- scratching plot by cramming Part Three with dizzying twists and out-of- nowhere characters and situations, all while flooding our senses with overcooked CGI and headache-inducing sound FX, and packing in so much smart-Alec dialogue that everyone started to sound like RD Jr.. Obligatory overkill.

"So you can breathe fire?" Cheadle asks the real Mandarin. Yes, but apparently only once. You get an all-you-can-stomach smorgasbord of one-of-everything. You're senses will be subdued--overwhelmed--it's impossible to be bored, you get your money's worth of manic sights and pounding sounds. So why is it ultimately so unsatisfying? Since when is way too much not enough? This is the cinematic equivalent to over- indulging in franchised junk food. CGI obesity. High carb thrills. They'll soon have to supply cinemas with vomit bags.

Still, I prefer Iron-Over-the-Top-Man better than Super-Off-the-Charts- Man. But I don't think anyone really knows how to pull off a well-rounded CGI-based movie yet. Well, there's always Avengers 2015 when Joss Whelon re-calibrates the signal-to-noise ratio, and hopefully restores some of the nuance needed to offset the onslaught of mindless action and sarcastic dialogue. Failing that, we can always hope for James Cameron's Aquaman.

"You can save only one, the President or Pepper Potts," Stark is informed. Wait! You're telling me they're not the same person? Nothing else was too ludicrous to pass up.