Review of Invincible (2006) by Markb. — 10 Nov 2006

This theoretically true-to-life-except-for-the-facts saga about Vince Papale, who became a gridiron hero when the perpetually losing Philadelphia Eagles, in the managerial equivalent of a Hail Mary pass, conducted man-in-the-street tryouts, is harmless and inoffensive, I guess.

..but I think I would've preferred to see the gritty independent feature about Papale's ex-wife, 20 years later, subsisting on ramen noodles and passed out on cheap vodka night after night while daily berating herself because she coulda been the wife of a football star but blew it by walking out on him right before he went out for the team.

Maybe that's because, as interesting and inspiring as these stories undoubtedly are, Disney invariably (as they did with Remember the Titans, The Rookie and Glory Road) sands down, smooths over and chops off the quirks and rough edges until these movies are indistinguishable from mildly pleasant, but highly forgettable made-for-TV product (or from each other).

(Ever notice how these flicks are always released during times when there's very little actual box-office competition so they can claim an easy Number One? Imagine the tantrums, phone-throwing and mass desk-cleanings-out that would occur in Disney's front office if someone accidentally scheduled one of these against the latest crappy 1970s horror remake in ITS debut week!) A really exuberant, larger-than-life central performance like Samuel L.

Jackson's in Coach Carter (significantly NOT from Disney) would make all the difference in the world, but here we get a merely competent one from Mark Wahlberg as Papale...and an ineffective one from Greg Kinnear as Coach Dick Vermile, whose motivational speeches here are scarcely more inspiring than the ones Kinnear's fictional character failed to sell in Little Miss Sunshine.

Invincible's most notable characteristic is its wildly theatrical set design, art direction and cinematography; the movie may be set in the 70s but it screams 1930s Eugene O'Neill/ Clifford Odets all the way.

I grew up in Baltimore, not too far away from this movie's setting, and I could swear that my parents allowed us to have actual colors in our household on holidays and special occasions; this is the BROWNEST-looking movie since this year's earlier Johnny Depp period piece The Libertine, and that one was SUPPOSED to be dark and depressing.

Otherwise, fictional competitive sagas like Rocky, Breaking Away, The Karate Kid and the recent Akeelah and the Bee outscore their real-life counterparts once again: Invincible, like Remember, Rookie and Road, invariably gets faint praise from reviewers who describe these movies with phrases like "hokey but irresistable".

Well, they've got it half right, anyway.