Review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) by Nick D — 28 Feb 2013

God awful. Some highly respected actors being paraded around in this movie as far too old. Far too old, surely if Spielberg respected Ford and Allen then he wouldn't persistently remind the audience that they are too old to make an action film, especially a classic like Indi. He essentially advertises to casting directors not to hire these actors for films other than Quartet or Song for Marion, which is enforced every five seconds by Shia LaBeouf calling Ford "old man".

Furthermore (the age thing wasn't even my original point), there is Indiana Jones and then there are Aliens. Let's make it clear, there is a BIG difference with no room for crossovers. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist, he looks at OLD things like tombs and skeletons - dead things, generally..or creepy crawlies and snakes. Aliens are not any of these things, aliens do not come under things you might find Jones investigating. For me, and most people I know, Indiana Jones and Aliens is like Star Wars having a cute, pink bunny wabbit as Darth Vader's sidekick or like Bruce Willis starring in Quartet with guns and ammo, like every Disney movie having an unhappy ending where the princess dies or like Katherine Heigl being in a rom-com...sarcasm. They don't work.

I could have coped with a film about old Indiana Jones, I do it all the time, it's called a feature length ending, like Men in Black 3 , Shrek Forever After, Shrek 3, all the twilight films after the first one...it goes on and a lot of the ending films work and I could have given such an Indiana Jones film a 2 or a 3 at a stretch but at the end of the film, Spielberg thought to himself, you know what would ruin the entire Indiana Jones franchise? Aliens. And I presume that's how this films was made. Everyone I know has forgotten seeing it to try and preserve the other movies in the series yet somehow online reviews range from my point of view to "Yeah, Classic Indi" - which is wrong, this movie mocks classic Indi - just to clarify.

I thought you'd all like an honest review of this film as it is just terrible. As soon as everyone came out of the cinema, we all thought "No" and proceeded to go home and forget about the whole event. Don't bother...