Review of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) by Johnxreed — 02 Jul 2023

In the spirit of a universe spinning out of control, our dear celluloid endeavor here appears less like a well-crafted film and more like a poorly executed particle physics experiment. Imagine if you will, the 'hero's journey', that gold standard of storytelling, being not only forgotten, but forcibly ejected from the narrative spacecraft. The unintended astronaut of this saga? The insufferable, distressingly misandrist, Phoebe Waller. There's an air of tedium and an undercurrent of de-masculinization, as if the very ghosts of Lucas and Spielberg are being asked to undergo some sort of narrative vasectomy. The movie acts less as a continuation of a beloved franchise, and more as a jumping-off point into the unfathomable abyss of gender politics and cry for communist rule.

The initial 16 minutes offer a glimmer of hope, a tantalizing mirage in an arid desert of mediocrity. Beyond that, however, we're left navigating the barren wasteland of Waller's backstory. Indiana Jones, that emblem of adventure and antiquarian bravado, is left to bear witness to his own cinematic emasculation. The whole affair has less in common with a thrilling tale of archaeological adventure, and more with an overlong and unrequested psychoanalytical session by the mediocre of Kathleen Kennedy.