Review of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) by Bigmikendacrew — 30 Jun 2023

There will be spoilers in this review, so I would not read after this first paragraph. I have never been more angry watching a movie than I was watching the Dial of Destiny. This movie managed to somehow insult its audience more than Disney's Star Wars sequel series.

My main complaint is that Indiana Jones, the hero of this franchise, is relegated to being a side-kick. Indy is relegated to the role of side-kick similar to Luke Skywalker in Disney's sequel series. Political activist writers seem to be infatuated with rewriting past male heroes into old, negative, weak, and incompetent men who need a much smarter, stronger, and more competent woman character to one up the male hero at every possible opportunity. It's hard for me not to interpret this as the writers trying to lecture the audience by implying the following: "we know you are all sexist and would never think a woman could be so capable. So we'll show you! Now enjoy as we make a mockery of your so-called hero." Of course, no one thinks that women can't be strong or competent. Yet, political activist losers can't resist an opportunity to lecture us at the expense of a once beloved movie franchise. The true lead character, Helena, (whose name I had to look up because I didn't give a **** about any of the new characters) just finished her bachelor's degree, but she still knows more about archaeology and history than Indy who has been a professor for decades. At one point, I believe she even spoke Latin, an extinct language, fluently. She spent most of the movie rescuing poor, helpless Henry Jones Jr and being insufferable. I could write for hours about all of the major problems with this movie, but Disney does not deserve more of my time and money. I'll just give a quick teaser. This movie was too long and felt like it was pasted together because the movie contained so many story lines and several of them never seemed to be resolved. I am assuming not every story point was resolved because the writers forgot about them due to the length of the movie and likely due to their low IQs. Examples: Indy is wanted for murder. Oh well! I guess the police just forgot about that petty crime. An evil villain who takes a metal bar to the head while hanging off a fast-moving train returns in the movie fully healthy without even a scar. But, who hasn't been impaled on a moving train and lived? Helena has an angry husband in Morocco who wants to kill her. Is he relevant? The world may never know! Do I care? No! The villains were terribly written. They magically always found Indy instantly. They literally found him in the middle of the ocean FFS! These same villains are happy to kill just about anyone aside from Indy, Timmy, and Helena. This is lazy writing (plot armor). Lastly, the end portion of this movie felt like the writers were giving me the finger. Indy's whole life's purpose was to preserve history. However, when he arrived in Syracuse after he traveled back in time, he was willing to permanently alter history by staying in the past. This contradiction felt like a slap in the face. A once great, optimistic hero decided that he'd rather give up on life, alter history that he strived to preserve, and die alone as a loser. The closing scene that ripped off a scene from Raiders was pathetic as well. Disney must think dumb peasants like us can't resist being force-fed unimaginative borrowed material. They are wrong, and this kind of content is insulting.

I will never forgive the political activists who have hijacked the arts to indulge their toxic view of the world. I look forward to the day when normal people, who are not corrupted by radical political ideologies, reclaim and restore the arts. I award this movie 2 points out of respect for Harrison Ford. Good day.