Review of Immortals (2011) by Jessi H — 20 May 2012

The film spins tales of ancient Greek heroes and their war against the gods. But where there are Hollywood meddlers, there are loose interpretations. In fact, this was a new Theseus story!

Wrong:

1. The myths of Theseus contain no mention of the 'Epirus Bow' the movie features. The closest thing is Hercules's bow used to win the Trojan War. While an interesting legend and one I could see fitting into that ancient mythology, donâ(TM)t change the rest of the characterâ(TM)s story just to add drama and justify this new weapon. In legend, Theseus did find his father's sword under a rock. This sword was the beginning of his famed adventures. This movie gives him one adventure.

2. Hyperion never fought Theseus as he does in the movie. In fact, Hyperion is barely even mentioned in any myths.

3. The only army he ever fought in the myths was the Amazons. Again, Hyperion who?

4. Theseus's mother was the daughter of King Pittheus of Troezen in the myths. She was not a peasant like in the movie. I have to admit, I love their relationship the movie created, but the recorded circumstances were quite different than the filmâ(TM)s.

5. The Titans were locked in Tartarus although Tartarus was in the underworld in the myths. It was a mountain in the movie.

Speaking of, why are there only like 5 gods who go to fight the endless multitude of Titans? And they die? What??? The others on vacation or something?

So instead of Theseus being the mythical founder-king of Athens, he fights in one battle and then dies. He has many legends surrounding him, and this movie decides to rewrite them all. I can see rewriting a few, but kicking aside the fact heâ(TM)s the founder king of Athens? Little hard to swallow. This was the same problem with Wrath of the Titans. Too much fabrication, not enough authenticity.

The movie was bloody and messy. There was nudity, castration, and blood and guts everywhere. Then, of course, Theseus is beaten to within an inch of his life as he fights Hyperion. I hate those scenes where the hero gets his butt handed to him but then somehow finds the strength for that last mighty killing blow. It got to the point of ridiculous how many punches and throws and stabs there were. This is not how I like my Greek mythology: bloody, violent, nude, and overly costumed gods. The colors are bland, the acting is passable, and the storyline gets to be too rocky a road. I would not want to see this film again, and I hate all the liberties it took with the Theseus legend. Added to the fact that gods are being killed left and right? There is so much after the Theseus legend. How can they be dead? What about Troy, the Odyessy? Sorry, we just killed the gods. Homer got his stories wrong. LAME! Very disappointing.

This is an example of too much style and modernization thrown into the god aspect of Greek beliefs. I could tell who most of the actors were supposed to be only because they were so grossly overidentified by their extravagant head wear and clothes. Otherwise, they seemed to be posing up on Olympus. âLook at me, Iâ(TM)m blinged out with gold and FAAAB-U-LOUS!â?