Review of Immortals (2011) by Sgt. C — 09 Aug 2014

(12%).

I cannot remember a movie quite as valueless as this, and I've seen gladiator cop. When significantly more time and effort is spent on a costume worn for about 5 minutes than the deeply flawed god-awful script, then can it be any wonder why this honestly makes 300 look like a solid-gold masterpiece. Watching this movie is almost painful to endure because it's too damn dark, so dark in fact that you really can't tell what the hell is going on at times. And there's a number of scenes with Mickey Rourke, a man with a voice so grainy that it's difficult to understand what he's actually saying half the time, so not only can you not see anything happening through the almost blacked-out picture, but you can't really hear anything either, and even if you could you're still not getting anything of any worth because it's so badly written and pointless that you're almost better off in the dark. On top of that the sets are so stagy and fake looking that it's like watching a bad recorded play at times, with no sense of distance between each location, and the costumes look either from a leather fetish magazine or an 1980's He-man cartoon. If Man with the iron fists was a hard movie to care about what unfolded, then this is almost impossible, as it jumps to scene to scene each of which are as boring and as redundant as the next. The action though is not bad, and the direction overall is decent, but it's not enough to save this very dull, almost nightmarishly aimless waste of time.