Review of Ice Spiders (2007) by Wes L — 24 Oct 2007

The production teams for the Sci-Fi channel are becoming known for their cheesy special effects and mass producing of likewise cheesy horror films. No matter how hard we try some of us just cannot pass up giving these sorts of flicks a gander once they hit Dvd in the R or Unrated formats. I took a trip to the rental store, Blockbuster if you must know or if Blockbuster wants to reward me for saying Blockbuster, and made my selections; needing just one more I was faced with The Reaping starring Hilary Swank or Ice Spiders. Oh the decisions, Reaping?.Ice Spiders?Reaping?.or Ice Spiders. Okay I admit I am dramatizing the situation, I did not even hesitate in my decision: the second I saw Ice Spiders I took it to the rental counter.

Ice Spiders was directed by television movie kookiness master Tibor Takacs, a Hungarian who?s follow up movie was entitled ?Mega Snake.? The cast is comprised of Patrick Muldoon, Vanessa Williams (not the singer, but rather then African-American woman from Candyman), and Thomas Calbro. Of course there were other actors involved, but if I were going to take the time to name them then I also need to name all of the spiders. The movie plot is simple: Genetically altered, super big spiders break out of a secret lab next to a ski resort and start eating skiers at an alarming rate. It is up to a ski bum to more or less save the day.

The acting in the film is probably best described as serious B-movie performances. Image Jason Mews from Kevin Smith?s films and now let me tell you this: the lead for Ice Spiders, Patrick Muldoon, is worse at acting. If possible he took the poor stoner voice and performance to an even lower level. The rest of the cast deal with the pathetic dialog accordingly and if it weren?t an already over used critical blurb I would make some witty comment about children writing the screenplay. In this case, however, the target audience just may be the inner child in us all.

The special effects are low budget computer done things that your average internet nerd can pull off. Overall the film feels like an extended Youtube clip of skiers that has been altered. Which means all of these bad things I am pointing out are hilarious fun if you are in the right mood. By the way, even though it is light humored goofy fun: it is a bit gory.

Ice Spiders isn?t all that bad thanks to being so bad. Does that make sense? Neither does some of the stuff in the film, but that won?t stop me from recommending it. The oversized spiders are not as large as I would have liked them to be, but even with some awkward scenarios, dialog, and acting Ice Spiders is a sure fire Sci-Fi channel hit. I say you should get your copy today because you?re going to want to be in the know when the sequels start churning out.