Review of I Am Number Four (2011) by Shiira — 27 Feb 2011

Not only is John Smith(Alex Pettyfer) a Lorien, a creature from another planet(now a distant reminiscence) sent to Earth along with nine other estranged refugees, he's a Legacy, an extra-terrestrial with superhero potential.

Henri(Timothy Olyphant), his guardian and surrogate parent(who is much more accesible than hologram projection of Marlon Brando's disembodied head), at every turn, encourages John to keep a low profile, and yet the father figure never broaches the s-word, the bane of the tan(and buff) alien's ability to disappear in plain sight.

Worse than going blind, the unfounded threat made by Catholic priests to regulate morality since time immemorial, self-abuse, or rather, in this case, possessing impure thoughts about the opposite sex, as suggested by the incident on the Floridian beach at the outset of "I Am Number Four", have actual physical ramifications on the very instruments that pollute one's own, and the other's temple.

Blue lights shoot out of John's hands, a twilight emission of electronic fluid, coaxed from the palms when the skinny dipper of a female persuasion gets closer to Four(aka John), the sexually excited alien.

John's real father, as well as his mother, both killed back at the home planet on the day it exploded, would be better able to handle their son's growing pains than Henri, who reluctantly allows his charge to enroll in school without ever addressing the pitfalls of an intensely coed environment.

Shirking off his parental duties back in the Sunshine State nearly undermined their efforts to elude detection from the Margorains(their gills suggest a race of sharks that are a thousand generations removed from their Earth-bound ancestors).

The promotion of a celibate lifestyle catches up with the otherwise detail-oriented Henri, in which John, the unlikeliest of virgins, having been sheltered from matters concerning his body, looks panic-stricken when he lights up the ocean and night sky with his hormones, suggestive of, perhaps, the legacy's ill-preparedness in dealing with late-blooming puberty, similar to the titular character in Brian DePalma's "Carrie"(played by Sissy Spacek), who was never told about menstrual blood, much to the delight of her high school peers.

"I Am Number Four", or rather, "I Am the Superman Origin Story", leaves the question about inter-species sex unanswered. In Richard Donner's "Superman II", the Man of Steel surrenders his otherworldly powers in order to explore the physical side of love with Lois Lane(Margot Kidder), because according to the Jor-el hologram, Superman(Christopher Reeve) has to be human before he can love like a man.

John, on the other hand, thinks like a man, in which the alien's infatuation with Sarah(Dianna Argon) informs his confrontations with Mark(Jake Abel), Sarah's ex, who provokes the numbered humanoid into spilling more blue light, therefore compromising the desired anonymity that the Loriens covet.

Towards the end, "I Am the Superman Origin Story" turns into "I Am Six the Margorian Slayer", when Four is joined by a duplicate Buffy(played by Teresa Palmer), in what, admittedly, turns out to be a rousing action-packed finale, highlighted by a shape-shifting beagle, against the backdrop of a Whedon-esque setting, a high school, where good and evil hash things out with a maximum of sound and fury.

Choosing spectacle over story, "I Am Number Four", obviously cross-marketed for both sexes, leaves the girls(who loved "Twilight") behind by not exploring the potential hazards that may arise from spending one night of passion with a "little green man" from outer space.