Review of Human Traffic (1999) by Graham P — 16 Mar 2010

Sigh... clubbing... it's shit isn't it? Spending time in a place where the music is dire and the people around you annoying has never been my idea of a good time. Ever. Even when I was young (I was misanthropic back then as well). "Oh." they say "It's much better when you have taken ecstasy." Well I would imagine that most things would be more bearable after taking drugs, but that won't change the fact that you'll dance like a twat. Also, you won't catch me taking such recreational pharmaceutical in the first place. "E" is for chavs...

Sigh... Danny Dyer... it's shit isn't it? Strolling around with his wankey cockney accent and that expression of smug, wide-boy twatishness. Every single time he appears in a movie I am consciously willing someone to jump on screen a moment later and drive an ice pick through his skull, Leon Trotsky style. He's in this film (it was his first role in a full length feature), and, lo and behold, his character is a bit of a prick.

Human Traffic was released at the tail end of the nineties, and is a kind of feature length sketch show which attempts to make witty social commentary on the whole club culture scene. It's quite obviously heavily influenced by Trainspotting; but comes across as considerably lighter and more of a whimsical bit of observational comedy than that film's gritty human drama interspersed with dark humour. It's also a considerably worse movie.

I would say I'm going to be blunt here, except I already have been: I don't much care for contrived films that think they are a whole lot cleverer than they actuallly are. Human Traffic is one such picture. The attempts that the film makes at wry observational comedy fall quite flat throughout. The plot - or what passes for one - is that a Cardiff-dwelling shop assistant (John Simm) wants to spend a weekend clubbing with his mates. They go clubbing. That's pretty much all there is to it.

Here's an example of one of Human Traffic's outstandingly clever and well-realised visual gags: John Simm's character's boss sodomising him in the clothes store where he works, and then stuffing money in his mouth to keep him quiet. What a metaphor! It's like... saying to us that we get fucked by our employers everyday but have to put up with it to earn money. We're like all little corporate whores or wage slaves or something. Perceptive and cutting stuff! In another sequence, a news anchorman goes into a club playing pumping techno/trance (or some other such shite) as if he's filming a documentary, and gets so into it that he's throwing shapes and acting like the other clubbers around him (a pillock).

Oh, and there's a moment where Dyer's character (the prick) is watching a video of the late, great Bill Hicks. Hicks - as anyone with a more than passing familiarity of his standup will be aware - absolutely hated dance clubs and would almost certainly have despised Danny Dyer as well.

Human Traffic then. An annoying film "comedy" about an annoying cultural phenomenon. Don't say I didn't warn you.