Review of Howard the Duck (1986) by Elizabeth H — 27 Jul 2010

This movie was the best comic book movie ever made!!! Not really. But it was a Monkey Mind Blower.

Within the first minute I saw a Humanoid Duck's boobs! Yay, that counts! It is a head scratcher though. I can only imagine the idiot nerd who thought up this idea! It's about a Humanoid Duck named Howard who gets zapped to Earth. He makes friends with a silly-looking girl named Beverly, she's in a 80's crap band. Howard kind of goes about his business, people just treat him like a dwarf, and don't seem to TRULY notice that hes a Humanoid Duck. It's very strange to try to take a hero seriously who looks like a midget white duck with a huge duck beak. He's tough too, he knows Duck Fu (groan). Then the unthinkable happens.... He and Beverly fall in love. Talk about a nasty weird mental picture!

He tries to get home by a huge illegal laser. It breaks and brings back some thing else..... It's a demon. Ha ha. Sometimes this movie is so dumb I couldn't stand it. One of the Laser Doctor's turns into a dark demon overlord of the universe with a very scratchy voice. They have an interesting conversation with the dark overlord, he's from the edge of the universe! The dark overlord 'splodes some mustard and ketchup in a restaurant. Some rednecks pick a fight with them. It's the WORST FIGHT SCENE IN HISTORY. Its almost so bad its good. They want to cook Howard in the oven. The CGI in this movie is real bad. The dark overlord starts to glow a strange blue light and some crackly electricity too. He uses his super cool blue ray rings to save Howard and the damn code key that holds the potential to bring back more dark overlords...... Jeez Louize......

There's a classic scene where the dark overlord's tongue plunges into the car lighter in order to give him more power. He kills a cop. That's ok. It got even more ridiculous and kept going and going. The monster at the end looked like it was from the old Clash of the Titans. It ended with a TRULY SOUL WRETCHING musical number. Booo.

I gave it 3 stars which includes the extra bonus for the Duck Boobs, plus the dark overlord was ok as well as the talking Duck being the star of the movie. I took away one star for having to eye roll through the whole movie and REAL dumb dialogue. Thanks George Lucas..... for not making a part two! It was one rare gem of a turd though, if you like that kind of thing. Its funny to point out all the actors who became famous OR ended up starring in a cop drama on TV.

Checklist:

X Pee Reference.

X Poop Reference.

Boob Reference.

XX Small People Reference.

Vomit Reference.

X Sex Reference.

Male Genitalia Reference.

X Female Genitalia Reference.

Primate Reference.

Monkey-People Reference.

Fart Reference.

Monkey/Human Love Reference.

Bigfoot Reference.

Masturbation Reference.

Violence Reference.

Excretion On Another Being Reference.

Pee Sighting.

Poop Sighting.

X Boob Sighting.

X Small People Sighting.

Vomit Sighting.

Sex Sighting.

Male Genitalia Sighting.

Female Genitalia Sighting.

Primate Sighting.

XX Talking Animal Sighting.

Monkey Mayhem Sighting.

Butt Jokes.

Farts.

Monkey In Tree Sighting.

Masturbation Sighting.

X Violence Sighting.

Poop Throwing Sighting.

Excretion On Another Being Sighting.

Blood Spray Sighting.

X Fire Sighting.

Slobber or Drool Sighting.

Bonus Checklist:

Poodle Stomping Sighting.

Kitten Stomping Sighting.

Monkey/Human Love Sighting.

Monkey Pooping his Diapers.

Falling Baby Monkey Sighting.

Monkey-People Sighting.

Bigfoot Sighting.

Flaming Penis Sighting.

Mickey Rourke's crusty toes Sighting.

Santa Claus squishing Sighting.

Nazi-Werewolf and Nazi Zombie Sighting.

Hitler's Head in a Jar Sighting.

X Duck Human Love Insinuation.