Review of How to Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965) by Kendra J — 22 Mar 2010

The beach movies starring Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello were silly and pointless movies, but at least most of them had a certain likable je ne sais quois, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini on the other hand, has a certain je ne sais blah.

The typical beach movie had Frankie and Annette squabbling over their usual commitment issues while some hot bikini babe threatens to distract Frankie, coupled with some groovy 60s beach music. How to Stuff a Wild Bikini's main failure to deliver as a beach movie, is in the fact that Frankie Avalon is absent for a good 98% of the film. Apparently he had been squabbling with producers over his pay for these beach romps, and his punishment was his character joining the army and appearing in only a few short scenes on a faraway tropical island. This isn't the only way that How to Stuff a Wild Bikini falls short. Also missing is the music of Dick Dale, the hippie shakes of "Fringe Girl" Candy Johnson.

Another quite obvious departure from previous beach movies, is the fact that Annette Funicello was obviously pregnant during the filming of this one, causing them to take some ridiculous steps to keep her swollen abdomen hidden. Although the rest of the girls are cavorting on the beach in teeny bikinis, poor Annette looks like a mother hen in a wide array of unflattering turtleneck and tunic ensembles. She is also given an amusing amount of props to hold in front of her, including an entire bucket of KFC. I guess Annette turns to food when Frankie is taken away from her.

There are also far too many musical numbers in this movie, and quantity most certainly does not equal quality as most of the songs are sung in a less than stellar fashion by Harvey Lembeck and Mickey Rooney.

I feel the people involved tried everything they could to save this wreck of a movie, tossing in Dobie Gillis, Buster Keaton and a random bike race scene in order to try and make an engaging story, but none of it really works. Beach movies in general are scraping the bottom of the cinema barrel, but this one is the worst of the worst.

(on a completely random side note, Seinfeld fans will be amused to see a young Uncle Leo playing a weird hit-man character who calls everybody "Bubby").