Review of How to Steal a Million (1966) by Tiberio S — 23 Jul 2017

Charming, clever, oddly romantic, some small laughs, yet all throughout a big smile. This was a delightful experience charged with tantalizing poise between two beautiful people whose characters should be anything but lovers. Papa asks Nicole if she had been molested by this burglar Simon, to which she buries herself in denial and answers, "no." These days, such a matter would not be treated whimsically, but a few decades ago, an extra dose of masculinity wasn't such a crime. Simon thrives on setting Nicole up throughout the film to get her into his arms, something which would also be considered taboo these days. But it's a treasure to have these on film, to experience the gaiety it serves in a story. Have no fear, this is no.

Pillow Talk, Rock Hudson/Doris Day cutesy rom-com, in fact it seems to be throwing the genre's cliches back in it's face.

Tonally it's more like To Catch a Thief, and there's even an homage to Hitchcock just before Simon is revealed; a suspense scene of him breaking into the house while Nicole reads a book about the Master of Suspense. A startling noise, she throws the book over her face, Hitchcock's picture on the jacket covering her. Makes for a good laugh. O'Toole's Simon then makes a graceful entrance as the cool and collected art thief, mysteriously taking a sample of excess paint. Already we suspect he might have his own analysis process to determine if what he steals is authentic. We sense Simon is playing with Nicole after she catches him, and the budding tension between them is a delight. She ends up shooting him in the arm, which he oversells to gain her sympathy. Ultimately, the only thing he really wants is her, but there will be a few obstacles and misleads along the way to make it seem otherwise.

It takes awhile for the plot device to come into effect - Papa's fake Cellini Venus is the talk of the town on display at the local museum, and he plans to get a million dollars for it. Only it has to pass examination for insurance coverage, which he signed away without realizing. His whole life's earnings thrive on the fakes he's sold, and if he is caught, he will end up losing everything. Wyler does a good job framing various rooms in the house lavishly in wide-shots juxtaposing the subjects who inhabit these spaces. Everything is antique, even the gun Nicole shoots Simon with, primly decorated, displaying works of art, large halls, marble floors, winding staircases. We get a visual sense of what's at stake for them. The burglar Nicole was so anxious to keep away is now a source of business interest: steal back the Venus before examination, and hide it.

The Venus robbery is full of tedium and clever devices. Most tedious is Simon's magnet play to retrieve the key, which turns out to be such a badass move that it symbolically magnetized Nicole into his arms. Earlier it's established that Simon has a good relationship with the boomerang, as it now comes into effect when he sets the alarm off, then runs to hide, creating the impression that it's malfunctioning. After the alarm sets off enough times, the guards grow irksome, deciding to shut it off, paving the way for the theft. Simon, having previously played a faux inspector, noted a staircase exit through the guard's room, which now comes back into play as Nicole, impersonating a coy cleaner while actually containing the Venus in her mop bucket, scrubs her way out of this hidden exit.

I was enjoying but troubled by the immorality of the idea that these forgers should be the protagonists who we cheer to have a successful theft and escape from fraudulence. But the twist in Simon's character makes up for everything, and his true intention reveals what one might've suspected but forgot from the get-go when he took that little clump of paint for analysis. He's not letting any crime get away, and the frauds will lose their prized trophy. But in the end, he gets the girl, and his love for her is the only reason her father doesn't go to jail. That's a pretty sweet twist.