Review of House of Wax (2005) by Jacob L — 11 Mar 2017

Unlike the Excellent Vincent Price 1953 film "House of Wax" which itself was a remake of a 1930s movie called "Mysteries of a Wax Museum". This 2005 remake unfortunately titled "House of Wax" follows in the classic tradition of remakes of completely snuffing out any hyped expectations we had prior to watching the film. Now, what's wrong with it you ask? Well the thing that did it for me was that it had almost nothing in the slightest to do with the 1953 Vincent Price remake nor the original 1930's film. Remakes are generally created to modernize an original story/film to reflect the common culture, not to create something that has nothing to do with the original! But wait! It gets better the original title for this film was to be "Wax House, Baby" most likely to be an unrelated film entirely until Warner Bros decided to change it to a more profitable "House of wax.".

So now that we got that out of the way, let us begin with the story! A road trip consisting of a bunch of teenagers takes a rapid detour downhill, as the teens decide to camp out for the night before heading to their destination. A run-in with a creepy truck driver at the camp site leaves everyone disturbed. They then wake up the next morning to find that their car has been screwed with, conveniently leaving them with no transportation what so damn ever. They then decide to stay in a nearby town with the main attraction of that town being a wax museum. And as you can probably guess most of the characters don't make it, as "House of Wax" becomes nothing more than a cheap Slasher film full of sex, blood, and stupid decisions of the main characters. Great! The overall story's out of the way, now let's discuss the next problem people had with this film, Paris Hilton. To be fair she wasn't as abominable as she was in " The Hottie and the Nottie" and in fact does rather a fair job given the material she had to work with. I'll even go to this extent and say that at least she has some talent and actually tries to do something productive unlike how you say "The Kardashians" so to say that she is the worst aspect of the movie isn't really fair seeing that she at least put some effort in as well as the fact that an actor is only as good as the script.

In conclusion, I have come to hate this film a little less than I originally did but not enough to give it a good rating. I give it 2 /5 stars.