Review of House of D (2004) by Mia W — 29 Apr 2005

David Duchovny was the only person who could play Agent Fox Mulder on the [i]X-Files[/i] and make it work, so when I saw his latest movie come to town, I decided to take a look because it has to be good. Come on, he was [i]Mulder[/i], right?

When I bought a ticket for this movie, I actually received a funny look. Half surprised, half amused. Bemused I suppose it was. That was not a good sign. Even worse, I discovered I was the only person in the theater, and so I kind of realized why I got that look when I bought my ticket. An even worse sign.

After around 45 minutes into [i]House of D[/i], it all became so clear: the look, the empty theater, everything. This was a truly terrible picture. As I was leaving, I noted that I was [i][b]still[/b][/i] the only person in the theater.

The high points? The kids. Yelchin, and Robin William's daughter, Zelda, were both excellent, Yelchin especially. They did a lot with the little they had to work with. Badu was so-so, more good so than bad so. And [i]House of D[/i] looked great! Nice colors, guys! And I enjoyed the funky soundtrack.

The lows? Robin Williams to begin with. Somebody take that guy's SAG card away, [i][b]please![/b][/i] Exit forever with as much dignity as you can muster, Williams! And then there's Tea Leoni: Is it just her, or is it her roles? One of them stinks. Compounding the poor performances is a weak story, adolescent writing, making for an all-round saccharine trip.

So here's a warning: they won't refund your money, even if you've walked out in the first hour. Instead they'll give you a different look. I know this now.

Here's another warning: if you're thinking of seeing this movie based on David Duchovny's performance on the [i]X-Files[/i], think again. This is [b][i]not[/i][/b] the [i]X-Files[/i], and it's [i][b]not[/b][/i] good.