Review of Honey (2003) by Asif K — 19 Jun 2010

"We just peoples.".

Can you believe that I once actually went to the movies to see this? Sure, I was like 16 at the time. And I was on a date. But that's still kind of embarrassing.

You usually couldn't get me to touch one of these movies with a ten foot pole. The whole "dancing" genre just does not appeal to me in the least. But there's exceptions to every rule, and Jessica Alba is an exception to every rule. So against my better judgment, I gave Honey a try.

Every imaginable clich�© from this kind of movie is conveniently collected here in one neat package. The impossibly sweet and sunny heroine with a heart of gold, who achieves her dreams of dancing, but must deal with the sinister pitfalls that come along with success. The stern, disapproving parent, who is totally convinced that their child is throwing away her talent. The rift that grows between the main character and her friend, as her career takes off. The perfectly diverse, multicultural cast. The whitewashed, sanitized view of "urban culture", where the only bad guys are the drug dealers (whom the precious children are saved from in the end, of course). And the horribly unnatural "slang", that no real person on earth actually speaks like. Some of the meager entertainment that Honey has to offer, comes from how forced and hilariously awkward the dialogue is.

Your tolerance for all that could possibly be much higher than mine. I'm the guy who automatically turns up his nose at any dross like this, churned out just to appeal to young urban (a.k.a. black) people. Surprise, some of us are immune to this kind of derivative, pandering nonsense.

What I am thoroughly UN-immune to, though, is attractive young actresses. The star of this movie, in particular. So maybe I'd better climb back down off my oh-so-high horse. Getting to see Jessica Alba half-dressed and dancing around suggestively - holds some appeal for me. Not nearly enough to rescue this movie, but enough to make me not rip it out of my DVD player and throw it in the garbage. What can I say? I'm male.