Review of Holy Man (1998) by K L — 19 Feb 2008

[b]Although we often pride ourselves on seeing worthwhile films and the occasional "guilty pleasure" pictures, we all make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are the fault of others - recommendations that should have been resolutely ignored. Sometimes they are the fault of alcohol-induced stupor - the late night critical roast with good company after you've all had a few. Sometimes, though, one can only blame one's self - nobody made you do it, you just did. Here are some of my mistakes, now regarded fondly as "[color=Lime]Punch Lines[/color][/b][b].[/b][b]"[/b][b].

[/b][color=Lime][i]Dirty Love:[/i][/color] I challenge you to consider the most repugnant substance that you can imagine (combined bodily fluids work nicely for this example). Now consider what that substance would smell like if lit on fire, placed in a small area with no ventilation along with, say, you. Dirty Love is an experience much like that. And the opening credits are still rolling.

[color=Lime][i]Blades Of Glory:[/i][/color] What was Ferrell doing here? Was he seriously advised that this was the best work available? A 90-minute crotch-to-face stretch of the most low-brow gay joke conceivable? As a bonus blow to its credibility as even [i]passable[/i] comedy, the film also features Jon Heder as... Jon Heder.

[color=Lime][i]Eight Legged Freaks:[/i][/color] This cringe-inducing debacle is not a movie. In reality, it is a warning ad campaigning against the use of hallucinogenic drugs and, in that light, should be force fed to the majority of those who enjoyed [i]Epic Movie[/i], [i]Date Movie[/i] or [i]Meet The Spartans[/i].

[color=Lime][i]Napoleon Dynamite: [/i][/color]A 12-pack of potent lager could not choke one laugh from me during my regretful viewing of this film. An embarrassingly one-note "comedy," this low rent rubbish achieves the entertainment level of a straightened slinky. Jon Heder "the comedic actor" is born.

[i][color=Lime]Holy Man: [/color][/i]Not even Jeff Goldblum with his fast-talking natural-speak could save us from the one-man apocalypse that is "G," portrayed by an aggressively irrelevant Eddie Murphy. Conceptually the worst character in the history of cinema, G represents "god" as if his interventions in the lives of mortals are analogous to prodding a wounded animal with a rusty iron.

[b].

- [/b][color=Lime]K[/color][b].

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