Review of Hitman (2007) by Nicky B — 28 May 2010

Whilst most movie versions of popular computer games end up being sealed with the 'disappointing' stamp, Hitman goes one worse by being granted the 'utterly abysmal' accolade. This is a film so bad that it makes Tomb Raider look positively glowing.

Timothy Olyphant, a very fine actor, is the eponymous, shaven headed mercenary, trained from birth by a mysterious company known as, um....the company. Imagination knows no bounds here!. A job goes wrong and he soon finds himself the target of those he works with and sets out for revenge as you would do if you were a fully qualified computer game character.

The story itself makes very little sense and is constantly having to be hurriedly explained, usually by Dougray Scott's one dimensional interpol agent.

To stop the audience (whom the film makers clearly believe will be no one other than mid teen boys) getting confused and/or bored, Olga Whatshernameyouknowtheonewhowasinquantumofsolace keeps taking her top off, her sole reason it seems for appearing in the movie.

Olyphant can usually be relied upon to deliver a solid performance but he's dealing with a script which gives him nothing and seems to have been instructed by his director to pull a variety of stupid expressions, all of which just make him look a bit silly.

You may be thinking that some sort of redemption could be found in Hitman's action scenes but you would be wrong. The action is stale, infrequent and poorly executed.

It defies belief that someone would actually let Hitman out into the world in the state that it is. People have gone to prison for lesser offences.